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I need to pull my head out of the sand! Help me!

(11 Posts)
mummytotwo14 Fri 31-Oct-14 21:11:16

Literally don't know where to start but here goes!
Been together with dp for 4yrs have two dc's 3 and 6m. If I'm honest I should of left him 2m after we got together because he cheated and got his ex pg (she's now 3) however I didn't leave and went on to have my two babies so no regrets! Although he continued to cheat with the ex and other women. The last one I know about, being August 2013 ( I was 6w pg when I found out) and since then I don't think there has been any cheating but a host of other problems inc gambling, him going out lots, him slagging my mum off, him not getting on with dd1 (he never has) and problems with his ex!
However we have split up 3 times in the 6m since ds was born and I need to bite the bullet and stop going back! Two close friends of mine have recently split from partners and managed not to go back and I find myself being jealous! I wish I could be that strong! Obviously there situation doesn't involve kids which makes the situation harder! But a lot of people still leave and stay left so why can't i?!!!! We aren't speaking at the minute after a argument over money AGAIN! Although he does have the kids this weekend as I'm ill (we don't live together by the way! He can't support us!) but we really need to sort this and end it for good! Anyone that's left a relationship how do you stay strong because I always sucombe to the crying and begging text messages and ALWAYS believe he will change! I've tried the whole " when he's begging you back remember how you feel right now and how bad things are" to try and make me not go back but it obviously doesn't work! Sorry it's so long Tia x

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe Fri 31-Oct-14 21:18:52

Think of your children. Is this chaos helping them?

farendofafart Fri 31-Oct-14 21:19:28

I sympathise so much with this.

When I was deciding to leave my H I wrote down all the reasons I had to go. I left nothing out. Sometimes I look at it now (3 months in) and it helps to strengthen my resolve.

It's still bloody hard though. As you say, especially when you have DC together.

mummytotwo14 Fri 31-Oct-14 22:14:12

Yeah I've done that before but always scared he'll read it one day and go nuts!

SassyPasty Fri 31-Oct-14 22:27:01

How can he 'not get on' with a 3 year old??

Wildly different political viewpoints or summat? hmm

Dowser Fri 31-Oct-14 22:37:34

Please for your sanity do leave and stay left.

You know that's what you need to do.

mummytotwo14 Fri 31-Oct-14 22:42:39

No sassy he hasn't ever bonded with her! And he totally adores my youngest and it totally pisses me off as dd is so clever and beautiful and deserves to be cherished

TheCowThatLaughs Sat 01-Nov-14 07:12:23

You need to get angry and stay angry! Who the fuck does he think he is to treat you like this? And you need to get angry on behalf of your poor little daughter ands protect her from him! How dare treat her badly (and you're letting it happen at the moment). Take back control of your life and your children's lives.

inneedofsomeclarity Sat 01-Nov-14 09:41:44

When I was separating from my ex in august, I wrote myself a letter to read in a years time and also started a diary. The other thing is, I spent 12 years putting up with rubbish and really wish we had never got together, except for my 2 dds-don't end up like me. Believe me when I say how much better my life is even a short time later and what a relief it is to not have to deal with the daily drama, or wondering when the next drama would come along.
Stay strong because it will be worth it.

Twinklestein Sat 01-Nov-14 11:03:47

Surely just being honest with yourself that you've shackled yourself to a feckless imbecile is enough impetus to stay away? For your children's sake as much as anything.

WouldRatherHaveWine Sat 01-Nov-14 11:45:26

Wow he sounds such a catch! You do need to find some strength from somewhere, you say it's harder with having DCs but in all honesty what would the impact on those babies be? As a child whose parents stayed together for our sake, don't do it to them. Find some happiness and you will be a better mother to them

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