NCed for this for obvious reasons however I am a genuine longstanding MNer and probably identifiable to regulars.
I went to a small private school run by an organisation with some strange ideas. The girls in the class were subjected to some pretty revolting treatment by some of the boys - this was between the ages of 10 to 14 when I was moved to a different school. This was in the 90s - I'm only early 30s now so not exactly a fucking age ago either.
Among other things, I (and other girls) would regularly have their breasts grabbed, be pinned against walls and tables and have sex simulated against us, be grabbed between the legs, have loud comments made about our breasts etc. This has left me with lasting ishoos - I feel a rising panic when anyone comes too close behind me and have in the past turned round and slapped my partner (who is lovely and very respectful) away and screamed at him for giving me a hug from behind. I can't really even cope with my own DC getting too close to me or holding onto me when I don't want them to, it makes me genuinely panicky. I cannot take a compliment and I don't just mean that I get a bit embarrassed by them, I actually get quite weepy and stressed if DP tells me I am beautiful (for example).
The school staff would see this but didn't really intervene other than to tell us to ignore it. I don't think the boys involved were ever disciplined even when it was seen by staff, though I was once suspended for a day for kicking one of the in the crotch I don't know why but it never occurred to me to make a proper complaint about it, it just seemed... normal.
Anyway this week the news has come that a classmate has died, this was one of the few I got on well with and who was never involved in the abuse. I'd like to go to the funeral but have realised that the boys (well, men now) who used to do all that to me are likely to be there and this has all started to kick off inside my head. For many many years I've just squashed it, never really connecting what I put up with at school for some of my issues now. Never really thinking about it. But even as I type this I have this memory of being about 12 and having my period, heading for the toilets and having to run/dodge between the desks as I knew one of them would grab at my crotch and I didn;t want them to feel my sanitary towel. And it makes me realise just how fucked up that was and how its affecting me still now.
So... is this something I could, I don't know, get help with? Where from? Or is it something I just need to forget and get over?
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Relationships
Abuse at school, getting past it (sorry, long and poss sensitive)
6 replies
QofeTheRaven · 28/10/2014 19:47
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