Hi not sure what i'm hoping to get from this, advice on how to move forward and stop being so sad all the time I guess.
Husband and me met 6 years ago when I was 17 and he was 22. He swept me off my feet, my first and only love. We moved in together after 4 months, he proposed and we got married after just 9 months. He was desperate to be a dad and begged me to come off the pill, I fell pregnant and had our eldest daughter, shortly followed by a son and youngest daughter. They are now 4, 2.5 and 10 months. I was working as a care assistant when we married but have been a SAHM since eldests birth, at his request. We have had our fair share of arguments over the years but have generally been happy and loving towards eachother.
In february, on the way to sunday dinner at my mums house he suddenly out of the blue during a very minor disagreement over wether he should have his neck tatooed told me that he loved me as the mother of his children but he wasn't in love with me anymore and he wanted out. I was distraught and begged him to give me a chance to make him happier and fall in love with me again. He agreed and for the 3 months that followed I was the perfect wife, didn't ask him to lift a finger round the house, didn't disagree with him, sex at least 5 times a week. He seemed happy and told me he loved me more than anything, made future plans with me, was affectionate etc. He even once cried saying he couldn't believe he almost gave me and the kids up.
I had however become a little secretly paranoid during this time, over the past few months he had become increasingly cagey with his phone, never out of his
pocket, taking it to the toilet in the night etc. One morning in march when he was asleep i'm ashamed to say I had a little look at it, there were no recent messages in the inbox, all deleted however in his call logs it showed that he had messaged a number called 'boss2' around 20 times the previous day. I asked him who this person was and he said it was the old manager who had left, then changed his mind and named a different male collegue who he said had the nickname 'boss'. When I threated to phone the number he revealed it was in fact the female deputy manager at the private hospital he works at. He claimed it was all innocent, they
were just friends and said he would stop texting her if it made me uncomfortable.
A couple of days after this he put a pin code on his phone and when questioned about it became very angry and said it was 'the principle of the matter' and I should never have snooped on him. He had also started working late (until midnight instead of 8pm) and going out alot to play poker/pool with 'lads from work'. I was never allowed to meet his work friends nor go to any work related parties. When questioned about these things I would just get answers like 'can i not have a social life'
and 'don't you want me to do well at work and earn more money'.
4 weeks ago he came home from a night shift, was being very loving etc, went to bed, got up in the afternoon was sat at the kitchen table texting, his phone was
buzzing like mad I asked him who he was texting he said chris (work friend) I said I didn't believe him and after a little prying he said he was texting a women he
metin tesco who he had been sleeping with for a few months. I begged him to end it and stay but he said he needed space to decide what/who he wanted, packed a bag and went to stay with his brother.
The couple of weeks that followed were awful, coming in and out as he pleased going from saying he was going to come home and he loved me and sleeping with
me one day to shouting and being nasty and saying he was glad to rid of me the next. Then one day his sister came to see me and told me that he'd told her that it was actually his deputy manager at work who he'd been seeing, the same one I had caught him texting. She thought I deserved to know. This woman is also married and her and her husband have a 4 year old son together. In anger I messaged both her and her husband on facebook, her to tell her what I thought of her and him to
tell him what they had been doing. This was in vain though as her and my husband managed to persuade him I was just some loon and it was untrue.
In the time that has followed he has admitted to me all about it, says that when it began we wern't having much sex (newborn ebf dd2 ffs!) and says she offered it on a plate then over time they developed strong feelings for eachother. He says he won't ever come home to me, over the weekend he revealed she has ended things with her husband so they can be together properly, wants to live with her and have a family etc.
I feel completly heartbroken and numb, i'm still so in love with him and it kills me that this women is going to live the life I had wanted, do all the things we had planned. I hate that pretty soon I will probably have to deal with this woman who stole my husband and destroyed my life being around my kids. I'm so sad for the
children that they don't have a proper family anymore and so angry that he can just walk away from all his responsibilities with nothing to show for it other than the
measly £57 pounds a week CMO say he should pay. He gets to pop round a couple of times a week and spend an hour playing with the kids then walk out leaving
them sobbing for him. It all feels so unfair I wish I knew why I wasn't good enough for him.
I have managed to sort out all the practical things money etc but I just can't stop crying and feeling so desperatly sad all the time, I miss him so much. I adore my children and wouldn't change having them for the world but its really hard work and I neve expected to have to do it all alone. I'm very lonely we only moved to this area just before christmas and I don't know anyone, my mum tries to come and help when she can but she's 50 miles away, works fulltime and is still single mum herself to my 14 year old sister so its not often. I just feel like its all sinking in now, he's gone, he's not going to come back and i'm 23 and alone with 3 under 5's including a 10 month old that still bfs almost all night. I trusted him with all my heart, gave him everything he said he wanted and never expected him to do this to me :-( x
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Husbands affair, leaving, moving on
cornflakes91 · 15/06/2014 18:58
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