Signs of Safety

[Isetan]

Signs of Safety has been suggested by our mediator because of an issue that came up in mediation. The mediator thinks it could be beneficial approach for resolving our current impasse. The NSPCC have said in a report that Signs of Safety is promising but its too early to comment on its effectiveness.

Does anyone have any experience of Signs of Safety, be it personally or professionally? What are the positives and the negatives? Any advice would be gratefully received.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

From the NSPCC website

"The Signs of Safety model is a tool intended to help practitioners with risk assessment and safety planning in child protection cases"

What exactly is it that the mediator is suggesting you do? Are your children at risk?

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

I'm no expert but from what I understand, it's a strength based model which looks to identify risk and strengths within a family and identify how to reduce the risks by utilising the strengths. Practitioners bring family members together for a meeting where things are discussed and plans made. They are used in child protection cases, what's going on for you guys?

[Isetan]

I read the info on the NSPCC website but I was none the wiser as to what would happen practically.

Ex revealed (tried to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him) that he was abused as a child. He insists that he would not expose DD to this person but I am not so sure about his mother and during mediation I requested that DD is not left with his parents. He initially agreed but later sent a sniffy email accusing me of using his childhood trauma to try and control him and his family. I suspect that having to be responsible for his daughter for 4 days of the month is too big of an ask and now he can't dump DD with his parents if he honours the agreement. The funny thing is, I was getting used to the fact that he was never going to prioritise DD and his parents were a good back-up because they dote on her. However, his mother lives in denial about anything negative and has form for making agreements that she has no intention of honouring. She may know about the abuse but that doesn't mean she believes it and if she doesn't, then keeping up appearances is definitely her MO.

I requested that mediation be suspended and for my concerns to be discussed with child protection professionals. I suspect that Ex thinks this new approach is to convince me that I am blowing things out of proportion but there is a cats hell in chance that I will change my mind and leave my DD at risk to Ex's messed up family dynamics. Mediation has been exhausting because Ex has not really changed and I've had to have words with the mediator because he has been a bit wishy washy.

[Isetan]

Forgot to mention, DD sees her father twice a month at a contact centre (mediation was and Signs of Safety will be held in the same contact centre).

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

If 'Signs of Safety' is a way of keeping your DD away from his family then I suggest you embrace it, stick to the contact centre and stick to your guns, whatever your exH may say.

[Isetan]

I don't know about embracing it, mediation has really crapped on any hope I had about anything that involves this man. My main concerns are that I do not have enough practical information to judge if the approach is working. Mediation went on for five moths and I felt like I was the one chairing it. I was the one suggesting that we circulate and stick to pre agreed agendas and I was frequently having to point out to the mediator when we went off topic. I have very little choice but to go along with it but the whole thing is really tiring.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Mediation only really works with reasonable people. If your exH is an unreasonable person maybe it's time to put everything in the hands of lawyers rather than keep hoping things will work themselves out?

[Isetan]

A judge would send us to mediation anyway, so there is very little point in trying to skip it. During the residency hearing I'm the the one who proposed the contact centre, Ex agreed and then promptly did sweet FA. Personally, I think Ex's parents are the ones driving contact because they want to spend time with DD. Without their prodding he probably wouldn't bother and be content blaming the lack of contact on me.

I'm just frustrated that I have to put in so much bloody effort to demonstrate that I'm not the crap one. Social Services in the country where I live is funding it all and I have made it very clear that if this fails then I'm done.

[Isetan]

Shit, wrong thread.