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How can I improve my life?

(3 Posts)
stuckonabarbedwirefence Sat 29-Mar-14 17:57:15

Feeling a bit desperate at the moment, can anyone please give their advice? DP and I are on the verge of separation after 14 years of marriage but we’re still living in the same house and it’s a hard struggle. We have a huge mortgage and have sort of agreed between us that we will both stay in the house until we sell BUT we have another year of our fixed mortgage to go, until next March. We could sell up before but it will end up costing us a lot of money in redemption fees, and I think we’re just about sensible enough to try and avoid this. Things will be strapped enough anyway when we split.

The thing is, the relationship has become very sour and I’m very unhappy and just feel like burying myself somewhere in a dark room until twelve months is up. I’m just not sure whether I can do it, or if I’m mad to ‘lose’ a year of my life.

I can just about handle things during the week but the weekends are a nightmare. I have 52 to get through! Short of spending a bloody fortune on hotels or holiday cottages every weekend, how can I make things bearable? We have one DS aged 3, so I can’t just bugger off, as tempting as it is, and I’m fairly trapped – I can’t just disappear on my own, and he doesn’t want to be stuck in the car every weekend while mummy takes off somewhere.

I have some friends locally but most people are busy and tied up with their own families, and I’m not feeling massively sociable anyway as things seem so bleak at the moment. My mum is v elderly and not really up to letting us stay for weeks at a time.

Any advice? How can I get through the weekends? DP doesn’t really go anywhere so is always around in the house, I feel like the responsibility is on me to go somewhere or disappear.

crystalgh0st Sat 29-Mar-14 18:00:02

Firstly, I am sorry you are in this situation. Maybe you could create a 'rota' where one of you is out on one weekend and the other is out the next etc. to give the each other space? xxx

Papaluigi Sat 29-Mar-14 18:31:31

Ouch, must be a very difficult situation. As you're both agreed to have to stay there, between you you're going to have to find a way forward.

I think if it were me, I would try and work out some 'rules', which you could both agree on, to mutual benefit, to be able to deal with it without you both and DC feeling the sourness. Rules about who cooks, laundry, uses space, looks after DC and so on.

If it just can't be done, and the sourness keeps coming at you the tbh I think I would probably take the financial hit. Might be that you can sell, but both service the mortgage albeit on different / separate properties.

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