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Juggling new relationship with both our children and jobs etc

(5 Posts)
mummyOF4darlings Wed 26-Mar-14 09:36:43

Hello. Ive just got into a new relationship about 10 days ago and struggling to make time to get to know each other

I am a single mum to 4 children aged 8, 5 and i have 3 year old twins and he has 2 boys aged 7 and 4 I work as a part time waitress/barmaid and he works long full time hours I try to get my hours in whilst the kids are with their dads which would ideally be a nice time to arrange a proper date. He has his boys Friday night through to sunday unless hes working.

Ive had a few relationships since not been with my ex but nothing serious its always fizzled out and ive tried not to let myself get too deep to avoid hurt ive had with exs but this time i really feel different i know its only been a short time but we do get on so well and feel really comfortable round him. He says he feels the same he really is lovely and i hope my feelings are right it will go further but just seems like there are obstacles in the way.

So we got together saturday before last after spending all night talking to him at his cousins 40th party (my next door neighbour) I had met him a few times previous and always got on ok. He stayed over at mine but we didnt sleep together just talked all night and had a lot of cuddling think something would of happened but was time of month (tmi sorry).

After that we spoke on the phone lots of txing and fbing until the Thursday when my youngest 3 went to their dads for night I just had my eldest home so invited him round and we got a take away was lovely, I feel quite mad with myself as i didnt want to have him (or anyone round whilst kids were there) but we really wanted to see each other I spoke to my daughter before hand and she said she was fine with him coming round, he ended up staying over which again not proud of while any of the kids were there but 1 thing led to another and he has to get up at 3.30am anyway to go home for his work stuff.

I was hoping to plan a proper date with him at some point but weve either got no childcare or work is getting in the way, we met up with the kids on saturday and took them to local play gym i did feel this was a bit too soon but just really wanted to see him and it feels like its the only way to spend time together. H e came round monday night after work for a couple of hours we tried to watch a dvd but kept getting disturbed, so I agreed to let him come over to stay the night last night i feel so selfish for it and dont want to make habit of it but its the only way.

Im child free Friday night only this week but hes got a family event to go to which hes invited me to but think its a bit soon to meet his parents and siblings although i have met them breifly via neighbour but not as his gf and then working over weekend as is he so dont think be seeing him again. I dont know how to do it. I dont want to rush it but at same time trying to grab every opportunity.

Any advice greatfully recieved

mummyOF4darlings Wed 26-Mar-14 10:18:20

I was also going to mention aswell maybe a seperate thread would be better but my daughters starrted to not want to go for her weekend visits to her dad. He used to live with his mum but moved in wit his gf about 6 months ago to a 1 bed flat so on a weekend shes still been going to her grandmas and her dad comes to see her there apparently stayed over a few times but not all time. She seems really unhappy with situation. I have spoke to them i get on quite well with her grandma and she said its just a case of thats hes getting older now they dont know what to do wit her when shes there so they are just leaving her to her own device basically so im obviously worried about me introducing a man may effect her anymore

onetiredmummy Wed 26-Mar-14 11:29:24

So the dad is basically ignoring his daughter now he has moved in with his girlfriend?! If your daughter is old enough she can decide whether she wants to see him or not & she can decide whether she stays at his place or whether he takes her in the day. See what she wants.

Congrats with new man! You don't have to introduce him as your boyfriend, perhaps introduce him to kids just as a friend & just take it slow for the time being. I know that feeling when you want to see a new partner all the time but sometimes its not possible. You both sound keen on each other so don't stress & just take the opportunities as & when they come along smile

wallypops Wed 26-Mar-14 11:49:04

I am in a similar situation, and we never have any child free time. So in a completely unMN way, he has already met my children, after a much shorter time than is ideal, but I'm afraid there was no way round it. We got a brief honey moon period during the school holidays when all the kids were away, but since then its with kids or not at all.

My kids are 8 & 9, and this is my first real relationship since their Dad, 6 years ago. I also share a lot with my kids, and we probably have a fairly untypical child/parent relationship as the children and I have been through such a lot together. I do not subscribe to the notion that it's best to keep kids in the dark, as I feel that this attitude created untold damage to my siblings and myself during our childhoods.

So no doubt you and I are both likely to get a flaming, but I'm afraid a happy mummy, probably creates happier children. If you can show your kids an example of you being loved and in a good relationship that is a very positive thing, and being ashamed of it isn't doing any of you any favours.

Obviously I have been answering an awful lot of questions, more interest in the facts of life, babies etc. So I have been in part using it as an opportunity to tackle some of those aspects again now they are a little older (from the last time they asked). I ask them practically daily how they feel about it, and take their concerns very seriously. My DP is also ready to answer any of their questions, chat, do homework and crisis manage, which gains him real respect in my household.

In brief, life is hard enough, so if you have a chance for some joy, grab it with both hands!

mummyOF4darlings Wed 26-Mar-14 15:42:47

wallypops Thank you its nice to hear other people in situation. My previous bfs never met the children but was easier as wasnt working and they didnt have children.

onetiredmummy Thanks. Hes not ignoring her as such says because they only have 1 bedroom she cant sleep over so has continued to stay at grandmas in the same routine as if dad was there but my daughter isnt happy ive spoke to her andthink shes more bored than anything grandma doesnt really do anything with her when she was younger she would play with toys but shes 8 years old now and seems she just watches tv she would rather be at home to play out with her friends i think is the jist of it. Her dad used to be quite good at taking her out etc but apparently he cant afford to now got his own place. Think she misses him tbh i have suggested she takes a sleeping bag and sleeps in livng room if thats a problem but he says the neighbours are really noisy and doesnt want to disturb her i dont know if that is just bull or what but i will have to try talk to them again

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