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(5 Posts)
lesbican Mon 24-Mar-14 12:53:08

Having read so many posts on here talking about how amazing their lover was then all of a sudden they cheat/never saw it coming etc, it's made me super paranoid that the nicest of partner could turn at any time.

In your experience do you think that cheaters tend to be serial cheaters (cheat in every relationship)?

Do you think someone who has never cheated even when unhappy in a relationship is likely to cheat?

*goes back to analyzing my own relationship

What are the sings that someone just isn't that into you?

lesbican Mon 24-Mar-14 12:53:38


Linguini Mon 24-Mar-14 15:08:41

I think everyone can behave differently in different relationships depending on who they are with.

I would say though (maybe generalizing) but people who cheat perhaps can't face up to the problems in a relationship in order to resolve them, and so they seek escape/approval/excitement from affairs. So there may be 'types' who cheat.

I have cheated in the past, terrible and bad. Have never done it since (different fella great relationship long lasting) the reasons for the affair were from feeling neglected and bored, but not wanting to kick up a storm by saying anything. Found some brief excitement, and it changed everything...

AuntieStella Mon 24-Mar-14 15:14:38

I don't think you can find a common pattern to who has affairs and why. And I do think it possible that someone can learn from their experience and live their life differently in future.

But of course not everyone really faces up to what they have done, or has the character and capacity to change.

So you can never generalise.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 24-Mar-14 15:14:45

There are no right answers to your questions because people are individuals with free will and they can and do act in and out of character all the time. Cheats are not always serial cheats... it depends on their motivation for cheating. If they are selfish opportunists, they will cheat on everyone they are with. If they experience a coup de foudre and fall madly in love with someone new even though they are still with the old partner they may never cheat again.

The correlation between being happy/unhappy in a relationship and likeliness to cheat is very debatable. They may have been unhappy for years and never had the opportunity previously. They may be perfectly content with the MM life of DW/, DCs and a Volvo and see their OWs as having no bearing on any of it.

Signs that someone isn't that into you.... again, depends. Some people show no signs because they are very self-contained or very fake. Others wear their heart on their sleeve and start acting peculiarly. A lot of the time a retrospective look at the relationship will show that there were signs, but that the other party had become very good at glossing things over, making excuses etc.

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