That's it really. I found my DH had set up a dating profile online and had messaged some women using his middle name as an alias. He said nothing happened and he was just looking on the site as an old colleague set it up. We have a 6mo DD. She's so little and the last 6mo have been tough on both of us but I feel so betrayed. I can't seem to put it behind me, even tho he says nothing happened.
I.cant believe I'm actually posting this. I just can't tell my friends.
He was planning to meet other women for sex, if he has not done so already. I wouldn't be able "to put that behind me" either. All that actually means is that he's sorry he got caught out (not sorry that he did it) and he doesn't want you to give him a hard time or make him feel bad. Fuck that. I would tell your friends - carrying this on your own is unfair and too much. I'm sorry to say this, though, I really would suggest that you get checked out for STIs.
He did this when you gave birth to his DD 6 months ago? This would be the end for me Queazy and down the road everyone would know why too. What a bastard to do this to you! How many times do men collectively say, 'I haven't done anything' or 'I was only looking', it's all bollocks and they are investing time and effort in this type of shit when they should be investing in something far closer to home.
I think you should ask him to step out of the family while you get your head together and take some advice. Currently he's running the show, probably lying and all the time gambling that you'll give him the benefit of the doubt because you have a baby and because you don't want to believe he's a cheating shit. You don't have to tell your friends the grisly details, choose one person you can talk to in confidence and tell them you're having a few problems.
I started up his laptop - it had run out if battery so was still logged in as him. When I went to Internet the history was there and ironically the password on the site was saved. I just had to click in to see it. I don't have any money and not close to my family. I just want to ignore it but waking up thinking about it. I don't think he loves me.
The women hadn't replied to his messages though and he promises nothing happened. I know this sounds ridiculous but I'm too scared to ask him to leave. I don't think I can look after our DD on my own - I've been teetering on PND during the last 6m and I know it sounds weak (not normally like this) but I feel weak right now.
Please seek medical advice for your possible PND asap; no one will think you are weak (the only weak person here is your man) or think badly of you for doing this. You can get better; PND is treatable. His actions have certainly not helped matters, no wonder you are feeling so awful. No one forced him to use his middle name as an alias to visit the dating site and set up a profile on it; all his actions showed intent. How dare he tell you as well that nothing happened?!.
Hello OP I am just on my way out but wanted to reply quickly to you.
When you speak to him he will delete the evidence deny anything happened and then minimise what has actually happened. He will only admit to what he thinks he can get away with.
What is the email address that the dating site is linked to? They usually start my messaging on the site then move to msn or yahoo to IM. Look in his normal email address. If nothing there then try his middle name as an email addy etc. he has to register an email address to sign up for the dating site.
When you ask him there will be silence. Don't be tempted to fill this silence. Wait for him to talk.
He may well have signed up for other sites, marital affairs, plenty more naughty fish, shag book etc.
This is not your fault. He may try and turn it around and say that it's because you've not wanted sex etc. this is bollocks.
You can come back from this but he must be honest about what has happened and truly sorry.
Check bank statements for a subscription to global personals. Or anything else that you don't recognise.
So sorry you're going through this. Will check back on you later
Sorry but he is not a good dad to your child at all if he is treating you, his wife, like this. He has shown no remorse for his actions whatsoever. Also women tend to write the "he's a good dad" comment when they themselves can think of nothing positive to write about their man.
Thing is, he must know one possible consequence of being a cheat (or trying to) - he loses his family - yet he still tried to get in contact with someone else. Thats not being a good dad, its being a selfish twat and betraying both of you.
Nobody will judge you for not leaving though, you must do whats right for you. But I would start putting a plan B in place for you and DD.
It doesn't matter that nothing happened- the intention was there. You don't spend time registering on dating sites and creating a profile unless you are seriously interested in meeting people in a romantic or sexual capacity. Joining a dating site is a crystal clear sign that your bloke is actively up for meeting other women behind your back and, especially given that you have a baby, it is disgusting. I've been here myself, so I know exactly how you feel. Nothing has happened, but that doesn't negate the fact that he wanted them to. You need to have a really, really good chat. I expect he'll blame a lack of intimacy or 'couple's time' with you since the birth, but that is really no excuse at all.
Not much to add to the good advice other posters have given, except to say - being a good dad & loving his daughter won't 'carry' your relationship with your husband. Even if you think it will. Its not enough, by far. I hope you keep this in mind.