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Lovely life but BF not all that..?

(15 Posts)
fizzfiend Mon 17-Mar-14 00:13:12

so….life is good…certainly not all centred around BF, but we enjoy our time together. It's been 18 months and rather bumpy as he's a moody man, prone to jealousy and a massive flirt. Also anger issues. Plus he's a bit of a freeloader (I have more money than him) But on the whole we have a great time together…but there are things I really don't like about him and I know he's not the one for me.

We have lots of plans - holidays etc but wondering whether to cut my losses and miss out on the fun/company/sex. I know he has a wandering eye…but I don't care enough to let that bother me anymore. He declares love all the time and talks of the distant future but I think he's full of shit.

I expect you'll all say run for the hills, which I probably should, but my life will be a lot emptier without him. He makes me laugh and enhances my life, but as I said, lots of red flags.

Very confused…I'm 50 so meeting guys not so easy. Any advise would be appreciated because I have no idea what I should do. Can live without him for sure, but he will leave a hole in my laugh - we have such a giggly laughing relationship together. UGH….men!

ll31 Mon 17-Mar-14 02:40:23

Read your post. What would you tell your friend? He's using you. Leave

horsetowater Mon 17-Mar-14 02:44:46

"He makes me laugh and enhances my life"

Loads of people can do that. He is just one of them. Find one without the red flags attached.

BOFtastic Mon 17-Mar-14 02:48:39

It hardly sounds like a good use of your time. You could get all the good stuff, without the scrounging and moodiness, from a good female friend.

MistressDeeCee Mon 17-Mar-14 03:44:02

It sounds like he brings fun into your life. The things you're worried about are huge red flags - but only if you want a serious relationship with him. If its just about fun and you're enjoying having a laugh with him, going out and about, then why worry? If you're developing stronger feelings for him, or you'd like a more serious relationship and you know he's not up for that then, its best to say bye-bye. Stop giving him money and see if life with him is as much fun then. Also...don't put all your eggs in 1 basket

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 04:56:19

The trouble with the 'better the devil you know' rationale is that you end up wasting your time on a devil. You think you're in control of things at the moment but you're clearly developing some attachments or you wouldn't think twice about dumping him.

ivykaty44 Mon 17-Mar-14 06:33:01

His good points

He makes you laugh

His bad points

He flirts
He has a wandering eye
He has anger issues
He is jealous
He is a freeloader
He is full of shit

Whilst you are with him you are not going to meet anyone that is nice

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 17-Mar-14 07:01:14

"It's been 18 months and rather bumpy as he's a moody man, prone to jealousy and a massive flirt. Also anger issues. Plus he's a bit of a freeloader"

Relationships should not be such hard work honestly. Your life is actually pretty much empty with him because its all on his terms.

And you are still with him because....actually I cannot for the life of me see this guy to be any sort of a good prospect at all.

Why are you settling for so little or are you really that lonely/desperate for any male company that you will accept this man?. He has a wandering eye you write but I do not care enough to let that bother me any more. Well you bloody well should - and also look at you here.

Hold a mirror up to yourself figuratively speaking. Ask yourself why you are with someone like this man at all. Men like this one have a sixth sense for spotting outwardly confident women but with inner rescuer/saviour and or self confidence issues and use women to their own ends thus dragging them down. I would also state that such men do give their woman's self esteem a huge battering and I do not think your self worth was all that high to begin with.

Love your own self for a change, ditch this man and work on rebuilding your own self worth. I would also suggest you look at Womens Aid freedom programme so you learn more how to avoid such losers in future.

Reading "Women who love too much" written by Robin Norwood is also a good idea.

fizzfiend Mon 17-Mar-14 10:46:18

Thank you thank you…this was just what I needed. Especially today because I have just ditched him. I'm heartbroken today but I know it will get better. I have written all the bad things down and will be reminding myself of those every time I miss him which will be often to start with.

Thank you so much. Anyone else that wants to help me realise that this is no good for me is welcome to add their views…this is helping enormously. Off to hide in a corner for the day though.

horsetowater Mon 17-Mar-14 10:49:26

thanks congratulations OP.

Come back to us in a year's time and tell us about the man you've found that's OPPOSITE of the one you just ditched. Don't worry about his sense of humour - Making you laugh is nice but after 20 years the jokes can wear a bit thin however much of a comedian he is.

ivykaty44 Mon 17-Mar-14 11:44:23

fizz good for you, it will hurt but better this way than living your life with a moody, jealous, flirty scandal

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 11:50:28

That was a brave and wise decision. Better to be heartbroken now that endure more crappy behaviour knowing you sold yourself short.

fizzfiend Mon 17-Mar-14 12:29:33

Thank you…you are all right and I have known this for such a long time, but have been addicted to his wit and charm. Today I am spending the entire day reminding myself of all the bad points…which I seemed to so easily forget…this site is helping today because I can't face talking about this to friends yet.

AND I am NOT GOING BACK!!!

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 17-Mar-14 12:41:33

I'm a sucker for a witty charmer myself. Love a bad boy, me. That's why I tend to keep my gentleman callers at a respectable distance because, in a room full of random males, I will naturally gravitate to the utter stinker! Draw the line at 'anger issues' however.... usually just means they are a bit of a wanker.

Keep reminding yourself of the bad points. One day you'll look back and think 'phew, what a lucky escape'.

ShoeWhore Mon 17-Mar-14 12:46:33

he's a moody man, prone to jealousy and a massive flirt. Also anger issues. Plus he's a bit of a freeloader

Keep reminding yourself of this OP. Doesn't make him sound like much of a catch does it? grin Sounds like you have done absolutely the right thing.

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