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Please help with trust issues

(4 Posts)
HollyBrrr Wed 12-Mar-14 12:13:57

Firstly, apologies if this turns into a really long thread!

I've been married to DH for just over 2 years, no DC. We've been together in total for nearly 6 years and are both late 20s. I've had trust issues even since my teens, as a couple of my boyfriends have cheated on me. I managed to keep this in check with DH until the last year or so, when my fears about him cheating/leaving me have become almost unbearable.

He's given me no reason to think that he will treat me badly. He's understanding, considerate, generous, communicates well etc. He always wants to know when I have bad thoughts about him and asks if there is anything he can do to alleviate them, and when we have issues or annoyances we bring them up straight away and try to deal with them then are there, so we don't stew etc. He has also been cheated on in the past and is fairly sure his parents have had affairs, and he has strong feelings about cheating. We also have access to each other's emails and know phone passwords etc (for work reasons). Objectively, I'm more conventionally attractive than he is, but he is a far better person than me - he's less selfish, more forgiving etc than I am.

DH does have a job that means he travels a fair amount (although when he's not travelling we both work from home) so he does have opportunity. He occasionally takes female assistants with him, although always asks me first and calls me every night. My worries used to be confined to when he was away, but recently I've started imagining red flags everywhere - the latest being that a bottle of talcum powder has appeared in our bathroom and I've no idea why.

It's starting to get ridiculous, and I don't want to push him away through imagining things. Rationally, I know that he's a wonderful man, but I love him so much that I'm terrified of losing him. I have been to one Relate session but didn't click with the councillor and felt it was a waste of money that we don't really have. Does anyone have any advice on how I can control these irrational fears? Any books I can read? Anyone who's been through the same thing? I desperately want to stop feeling this way.

Thank you to anyone who's got this far, and sorry for the mammoth post!

HollyBrrr Wed 12-Mar-14 12:18:43

Argh. I meant apologies if this turns into a long post not thread.

onetiredmummy Wed 12-Mar-14 13:43:16

Sounds like anxiety holly, so perhaps not a trust issue but you're fixating about unfaithfulness for some reason.

Perhaps visit your GP & tell them that your anxiety is affecting your life & can they do anything, refer you perhaps?

I hope they can, it sounds exhausting! brew

HollyBrrr Wed 12-Mar-14 15:28:07

Thank you onetiredmummy, I hadn't thought of it being anxiety. I also realise that in the grand scheme of things - especially things that MN-ers are going through everyday by the looks of it - that this isn't a big deal. Just great to get an outside perspective as it's a constant ache.

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