After 5 years with hubby, just discovered he uses porn behind my back

[ROCKQUEEN]

Was very shocked to discover yesterday my husband uses porn when I'm asleep or not around. We have a fantastic exciting sex life,he says I'm sexy and beautiful and it's the best sex he ever had. I have a high sex drive and he jokes I'll kill him one day! My first husband used porn instead of having sex with me so I hate it. But also because all those perfectly surgically enhanced babes look better than my 42 yr old flabby bits and it makes me feel inadequate. Hubby knew how I felt and I assumed he didn't use it as 1. i was enough, 2.he knows how upset it makes me. I feel devastated,like I've been cheated on, am I over reacting? Hubby says all men do it. I expect single men to use it but not if youre happily married with an amazing sex life. Help,what do others think?

[AnyFucker]

I think you should make your own decision about where your boundaries lie

But your H is wrong to excuse himself on the basis of "all men do it"

[Finola1step]

I think the key issue here is that he knew how you felt about it but did it anyway.

[notadoctor]

I don't think you are over reacting - in that only you know how you feel. It's a very personal, emotive issue and you are absolutely entitled to your own feelings. It may or may not be true that 'all men do it' but nonetheless that is a weak excuse designed to make you feel irrational. Having said that, I don't think anyone using porn is a reflection on their sex life or how much they fancy their partner - for some people porn fulfils a different sexual need, that is often about something detached and 'dirty'. So, please don't think it's about you not being 'enough'. It isn't.

[Joysmum]

It's up to you set set the boundaries of what you find acceptable, it's up to him to either agree or not. It's then up to you whether non-agreement/lies are a marriage breaker.

What you can't do is set your boundaries in response to what anyone else finds acceptable.

[HotDAMNlifeisgood]

Agree that the issue is he did this in full knowledge that it was something you were against and found upsetting.