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Interested to get your take on this ..

(10 Posts)
Jungfraujoch Wed 05-Mar-14 17:34:36

Long story short - very good friend was getting married last November, all went pear shaped- she had moved abroad to be with fiancé earlier in the year and things weren't good from the start but she stuck it out hoping it would improve.

Came back here at Xmas and within 4 weeks met someone who happens to be her friends ex husbands sisters ex husband ( hope you've followed that!). For a start this has caused an atmosphere between said friends, I'm in the middle. I'm hearing conflicting stories about what sort of person he is and I just don't want her to get hurt agin.

She is completely smitten with this guy and he with her. He seems nice and can't do enough for her. He is the complete opposite in every way to her ex - and she admits this is part of the attraction. But she says if it wasn't for her DD she'd be moving in with him or considering marriage at some point. I'll just tell you at this point she's been married twice before.

She's said she could well be on the rebound or maybe he really is the one - who knows?! I'm just trying to keep her grounded but the whole thing makes me feel a little uneasy - I worry for her DDs too.

Sorry for ramble, just need to put it out there.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 05-Mar-14 17:38:20

Unfortunately, if she's the impetuous type who thinks she's in a Mills & Boon novel, there's very little you can usefully do except stay in touch, give her the old 'I'm here if you need to talk' line and then take a big step back and watch the car-crash slowly unfold in front of you.

I'm sure you have your own worries without taking hers on as well.

Jungfraujoch Wed 05-Mar-14 17:43:36

Thanks Cogito. She's staying with me at the moment so the evolving car crash is potentially a bit too close to home!

I have known her a long time, through, births, deaths, marriages - you name it - her and me- so she knows I'm here for her and just want to see her happy but yes she does tend to throw herself in headlong!

I have told her stuff her emotional health, I'm not sure if mine can take anymore!!

longtallsally2 Wed 05-Mar-14 17:47:31

So what have you heard from others that suggests that this guy is not all she believes?

I'd like to think that with two failed marriages behind her, she has a good idea of what to avoid now. FWIW, my friends who are on their third marriage tend to get it right. No 2 is too often a reaction to no 1, either making the same mistake again, or going to the extreme opposite, but by no 3 the porridge can be "just right"!

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 05-Mar-14 17:56:22

OP, seriously, if you're struggling with this, don't feel obliged to keep having a ringside seat. You may have a lot of history and it's clear you're fond of her but sometimes you have to step out or get dragged down.

Jungfraujoch Wed 05-Mar-14 18:05:16

Longtallsally- I got that wrong- she's been married 3 times, the one abroad would have been no 4!

Stuff like - he was really lazy with his ex wife, never did anything. Now he can't do enough to help with her new house. Controlling - he's trying to get her to get rid of her current car and use one of his. She's resisting him saying she wants that bit of independence but I can see he's working on her!

Lots of little things I've heard from the friend in the middle - so hard to tell what's truth and what's her being a bit off with the whole thing.

I'm just trying to go with the flow and we'll see what happens. He's a very easy guy to get on with, includes her DD, chats to my kids when here, but so just hope he's genuine in the long run.

Jungfraujoch Wed 05-Mar-14 18:08:26

Cogito- I neat what you're saying! I think it will be easier when she moves out in a week because then I won't be seeing him picking her up some mornings (she has her own car), then she sees him in her lunch break, then again after work most nights. I'll be a bit removed from the daily goings on so won't be so close to it all!

Jungfraujoch Wed 05-Mar-14 18:08:56

Hear not neat!

Cabrinha Wed 05-Mar-14 20:17:14

So she's been with him for 6 weeks and he's met her kids?
Yep, she's a car crash in progress.
Just step back, there's nothing you can do sad

scornedwoman67 Wed 05-Mar-14 21:45:38

I just never understand why people with children, who have been married before are prepared to rush straight in to another one. I think it is so selfish - she's not thinking about the potential impact on her DD's if it goes wrong and there is absolutely no way you can know someone after six weeks. A friend of mine did exactly the same -post divorce ( only a couple of months) met a bloke online, engaged after six weeks, married after nine months - never made it to the first wedding anniversary. Her kids hated him - and they were right about him. Since then she has flitted from one to the next - within weeks of each one ending, she is back online & looking for another. Her kids are growing up now & gradually moving out. Her realtionship with them has crumbled and she is oblivious as to the reason. Your friend has said herself - he could be the one but 'who knows?' - my response to that would be, why hurry - take your time to find out!!

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