I don't even know where to start. Been with my oh for almost 13 years and we have 2 dc together, 8 and 6. He has always been mentally/psychologically/emotionally abusive to me... I just didn't recognise it at first. I was young and I used to convince myself he would change but I know now that it is impossible! He goes through cycles of giving me the silent treatment, sometimes for weeks. Other times he will have angry and aggressive outbursts at me, where he will put me down about anything - my weight, how useless I am etc. I used to think that somehow it was my fault and try and reason with him, which is obviously what he wanted. I used to live in hope that he would change. It took me a long time to realise that it was abuse and accept that my dcs and I deserve much better. He's never been abusive to dcs and is good to them but I know that it is not healthy for them to be living in this sort of environment. Anyway I have told him I wanted to end things a couple of times... first resulted in him agreeing to relationship counselling which we attended for a year. He was on his best behaviour for a long time after that but eventually slipped back into old ways. Second time - a year ago - his mum (who thinks the sun shines out his arse) convinced me to try one more time. She thought that I SHOULDN'T leave him for the sake of the kids - what a joke!!! So I said I'd try once more, but it became evident quite quickly that he was just as abusive and not willing to change at all. I just settled for the good times aka the times when he wasn't being abusive! Knowing that any time he would switch. So I made a decision that come the new year, I was going to ask him to move out (to separate/divorce - not for a break) but then found out that my mil (who oh is very close to) is very ill and is having treatment and surgery. I feel like I can't do it now with all that going for him and feel like I'll be seen as the bitch if I do. I'm so frustrated! I've been receiving the silent treatment for a few weeks now (which I can handle as I don't want to speak to him either) but it feels like hell living like this. I just want him to go but I feel trapped. I also want to do it before the kids get any older. I actually hate him, all he does is bring me down.
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Hi Pesca, I didn't receive the pm. Thanks though for the support 
Thanks chubbleigh, I know you're right about it never being the right time. I think to myself that what if the worst happens with his mum, it'll be even harder to do if that happened. I'm absolutely shit scared about the shitstorm that will follow and am worried about coping financially, mentally, and how the kids will react 
Dont let his mothers illness stop you from what you feel you need to do. It is unfortunate that she is ill, but it is not your fault.
It may give him something to focus on during thr break up. It is difficult and worrying when you finally end it. But trust me, life is 100x easier without a FW dragging you down. You wont realise how much of a release you will feel!
I am sorry you are in this situation. If you arent quite ready to leave yet with his mother. Perhaps you could start the ball rolling in other areas. Put some money away, look into housing (unless you are kicking him out), get the things that you can sorted, just to give you less to do once you have actually seperated.
If you speak to womensaid, they can give you some great advise!
Good luck 
cogito, pippin and wontlet, thanks so much for you're support and encouraging words
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