I've posted here about my marriage a few times. Issues are mainly to do with his drinking.
A not so brief history so not to dripfeed:
We have been together since our late teens. We are now around 40, together 22 years. We have 2 DC aged 5 and 1. DH has always been a drinker and comes from a family of drinkers. Over the years it has gradually become more problematic for two reasons: firstly he settled into a habit of drinking every night (at one stage this was 2 bottles of wine just for him) and secondly because I don't like the drunk version of him - he becomes quite nasty at times (though never physical, always verbal). I have almost left him a couple of times over this but he has always made grand promises and somehow pulled it back from the brink.
Currently he is drinking at least 3 nights a week - this has crept up from an 'agreement' we made a year ago - and I recently discovered he has been secretly drinking on some other nights too. He also smokes weed regularly. We had a showdown about a month ago but nothing has changed.
Fast forward to this weekend. We went out to friends' house for dinner. DH got pissed (on friends' wine, DH selfishly never opened the bottles he'd brought - I was driving). To my absolute mortification, after enjoying our friends' hospitality, wine and food, he accused our hostess of cheating during a game we were playing - not in a jokey way, in quite a nasty way. Friend was very gracious about it and I stood up for her and thankfully DH dropped it. We left soon afterwards and as soon as we were in the car he started on me - I was a twat for not believing him, that I always take everyone else's side, I treat him like he's a dick, I blame all his problems on alcohol - he got himself more and more worked up, I was saying nothing but apparently I'd caused it all. He also insulted my driving. This was all with our children in the car with us. I pretty much said nothing to any of this because I've learned not to argue with him when he's like that and because I didn't want a row in front of the children. He slammed the car doors as hard as he could and ignored me totally for the rest of the night.
He slept on the sofa that night - his choice.
The next morning (Sunday) he got up, said (cheerfully) "Sorry for being horrible last night," whilst ruffling my hair. And I said that it wasn't good enough, that he couldn't treat me that way and expect to just give a quick apology the next day and all would be fine. I also said that his treatment of our friend had been unacceptable. He said nothing. He had to telephone her later that day and I was hoping he would take the opportunity to apologise to her, but he didn't.
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Don't know what to do now.
17 replies
FlatsInDagenham · 11/02/2014 20:31
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