reality!

[blameitonmyaddbaby]

After years of all sorts of abuse
I came to conclusion that there is so little you can do to stop abuser

Next quite scary conclusion is that he actually did the job he managed to break me down

I really didn't realize how big power he still have got over me

One daft email from him can put me back in to pices!!!
I couldn't believe myself
Out from nowhere another accusation about the most silly thing
And I'm crying and shaking half of day

I wish someone could really really stop him

He did it a few times over the last a few months
He chosen the perfect days for me ( important for me)
And crushed me step by step aiming in most sensitive points

I know I'm the one to blame for all this situation I should rapport his abuse to police but I've try a few times well clearly not hard enough!!

The big dilemma also is no evidence or whatsoever so obviously who you gonna believe

But the biggest disappointment is knowledge that it will never end
And again my foult I've shouldn't stayed when it started I should do things so much earlier so me being in such fragile stage it's only my foult

So now when he "got" me exactly where he want he can just play me like a pice of...
But now obviously he is not making any crime he is just playing teasing and puting down world by word!


Since I've left I really went trugh so many stages including so much anger for letting myself down in big style
Now it is just uncontrolled sadness that there is nothing to stop him that it will never end!!

Please forgive me my rant maybe just treat it as message to women who are being abused

Please do not stay with your abuser
Leave at the first sign of any sort of abuse
It won't change it won't get better
It will become more and more intensive
Leave asap!

Do not put yourself in position where you left trying your best to pull up everything back together you are starting to being happy safe when you finally see all those small daft steps are working and you can see it in thoes around you and then
one word call name tines stupid thing will make feel that hey you wrong again
He can play you all time along
and there is no low nothing what makes him stop

I'm so angry at myself again I've worked so hard to be in place I'm now I've put myself on line so many times I've risked my health again made so many enemies just to put myself right
and there you go again

He would say jump!!
and I'm jumping

And I can just imagine he is sitting there laughing clapping his dirty hands
Planing what next and how to do it to not being caught
well I have to admit a very clever calculated person
He managed accuse me for abusing him because someone told me to ask him!!!

Twice
So well it's pretty good game for him
He must really have good fun!!!

I'm sorry for such long rant
but I've got so much anger in me
disappointment and disgust

It does looks like I've been victim of the conman a real professional!


So please do not do the same mistakes if you are in similar situation

Ok rant over
I'm trying to get back on my feet again but unfortunately it is not easy
Please forgive me typos

[FelineLou]

You' ve made the break. That's an enormous achievement. Now you need no contact. Can you move away, change phone FB etc. don' t give up now you ' ve made that giant leap. Get help.

[blameitonmyaddbaby]

Apart from nc I did manage everything else
I'm not giving up I went to far to give up now

One only thing really worry me
how fragile is mine and my family freedom,how easily breakable

Nc is not possible because from my knowledge and facts I'm the only target if I can use this description

I'm coming to another conclusion that ex he really hated me from the start
Truelly and unconditionally hated me
And he had use all his power to hurt me

Well better later than never I can understand
This now

[ladybird69]

Hi blameit
I can totally identify with you, my exh has broken me, physically, mentally and emotionally. I pick myself up a tiny bit and then he strikes and I'm back to square one. I think its all a game to them! He would taunt me and laugh that he didn't love me and that he would make my life a living hell! I am having counselling and have wonderful support from family and friends but I can see no end to his evil spiteful behaviour because I dared get away from him. I'm trying to get my head round the fact that unfortunately it isn't personal, he's just evil.
The only thing that I can say is just try and ignore him and have a happy and peaceful life, abusers just want to see their victims crumble, that's why they make us so dependant on them, so that we'll never make the break! Be strong and be free

[blameitonmyaddbaby]

Thank you Feline and Lady
I know its just calculated childish game from his side
He did enough damage
He still tries even though he must know by now there is nothing left for him

While ago I set up him priority
And that's what count
he is trying to guilt trip me in to something which clearly is much more his foult than mine

It really make me sick Never before had seen more mendacious person
I swear never before had to deal with anything like this in my life
I won't lie if I say people like him are dangerous
The sad reflection here
They know they can get away with anything and that's what makes them even more twisted and cruel
right anyway
Sometimes I wish that person who I can really say is responsible for all that could see what she really did to me and my family
She put us trugh the hell well I can imagine now she can have satisfaction!
I would never forgive her for hurting my child and I would never stop fighting her!