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Need some advice am i going crazy !(11 Posts)
Hi all im new to this as its the first time posting but i really could do with some advice. Me and my bf have been togetha 5 and a hlf months now we have also got a little boy togetha whos amazing since we had out little boy in 2010 things have really changed first to him hiding his phone from me i wasnt aloud to touch it thats when i through sumet wasnt right. My instinces was tellin me look at his phone so after one night with him falling asleep i grabbed his phone i felt terrible doing it but i just new and guess wa i was right he was messaging a girl with comments like he doesnt want to be in a realtionship with me no more and that he doesnt love me this was 2 weeks after i had our son i was gutted and heartbroken we then broke up for a few days but i gave in im a mug ino but i love him then in the following years to now ive found number of times the same sort of thing happning and more like fake twitter profiles with basically pics ov his privets and messaging girls agen i forgve him for all that as what i havent metiond is i cheated on him when we first got togetha as i onestly didnt think we was gettin enywere as agen i still seen him chating to other girls.but now my problem is he has no respect for me he trys to mek me feel bad if i bring up goals that i want to achive in life brings me down saying things n laffing when i tell him.i moved ova the other side of town for this man and all i have around me is my sister but she also has her own life too.im sick of him puttin me dwn if i make a effort its neva enoff he critasizes my weight my looks u name it hes done it but yes im still here with him ino that i look like a mug but onestly when hes nice hes rele nice to me but wen the nastyness comes out it gets through back into my face so meany of times i say to myself hes no good for me im gna leave id b happyer id b free n its all true i would be but then sumet stops me i love him n i cudnt bare to think what life would be like without him the crying the pain i dont want my son to see his mommy upset ive been through it all in my head ova n ova agen i just dont no what to do enymore hes neva there for me wen im genualy upset but i run wen he needs me i just carnt help it i feel im constently worrying if hes gna b mad at me n redy to start another row if i do sumet wrong hes took all my confidence away n all my friends now ive neva felt so aloun ive tryed tlkin to him and he just agrees then is still the same so please some1 give me some genuin advice or tips to c if this man still loves me cuz right now i feel like a lost sheep !
Bit difficult to read your OP. What I get get though is he's a twat. LTB! Nothing for you there.
Yep, what fifi said.
He's unfaithful, he criticises you, laughs at you, gets mad at you. It sounds like a terrible relationship.
He doesn't sound like he loves you!
Just because he is nice sometimes, is it really worth all the bad times?
I would not be happy if my dp was sending women pictures of his privets. He's obviously hedging his bets. You've twigged onto him now though and know you have to leave him.
He needs a wake up call. This just isn't the way you treat the woman you love. I know its hard but he is not going to change if you keep doing the same things. Tell him what you have found and ask him why he does it? Then maybe tell him that you want some time apart so you can think about what you want. He needs to realise what he could lose.
Oh dear BillyBanter
Seriously though OP, have you considered Jeremy Kyle? He could help you to 'see the light'. He could indeed, make sure he does everything in his power to make sure you have nothing more to do with him AND also make sure that everybody watching, wouldn't touch him with a ten foot bargepole...if you're right of course; perhaps you'll both have to take a lie detector test to get to the bottom of this.
Just a thought.
Value yourself. Trust your instincts. Be the best mother you can possibly be to your lovely boy...make HIM your priority!
Best of luck OP
You're in a miserable relationship with a bully & it's clear you're being emotionally abused. He isn't going to change to start from there. The 'sumet' (sic) that stops you leaving isn't love, but fear. You say yourself that you fear life without him and that's because you are crippled by insecurity and low self-esteem. He keeps you under control with his anger and by insulting you. He has no respect for you. It's very common for people to feel the way you do when they've spent years being brought low by a bully.
There is help available. Emotional abuse is a now recognised as a type of Domestic Violence and the people at Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 would love to talk to you and give you advice on how to get away and stay away. They hear stories like yours every day, sadly.
It sounds like a really unhealthy relationship all round.
I pretty well understand how you feel. It is obvious that he misses the time when he didn't have many obligations and had time to enjoy his youth. My relationship also changed a lot after I gave birth to our first son. Some men adore pregnant women and moms, and others just don’t. You are not the reason why he acts this way. He just doesn’t want to become an adult.
This situation is not healthy for you. You deserve respect and support. Think about this - now you just waste your time. If you were not with this man, you could be with someone else that makes you happy. I have many female friends with kids who found love and got married. Once you get out of this relationship you will gain confidence and you will find emotivation to change your life.
Another thing is that you have to teach people around you how to treat you. You have shown this man that it is OK to behave this way. This is something you have to change!!! Don’t let anyone disrespecting you. I understand that this is the father of your child and in my opinion it is very important for a child to have a father figure in his/her life. It is also very important the mother to be happy and to be enthusiastic about life. Your child sees you as an example, so you have to be a good one.
Give this guy a last chance and be really strict on the conditions under which this relationship is going to work. If it doesn’t, you still need to have friendship with him.
You are the only person that can change your life. Make it beautiful and full of joy. Don’t spend even a minute crying on things that you cannot change. Love yourself and take care!
He doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. Sorry to be harsh, but you need to hear that. You don't criticise and cheat on someone you like, let alone love.
What's more important to understand, is why despite all his behaviour you think you love him. You get rid of this arsehole, but you'll pick another one just like him if you don't start to understand why you think like that.
Good luck - get rid, be happy.
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