Advice needed please :)

[SamboA1]

Hi I'm new to this kind of thing but wanted a bit of advice my husband watches porn not got a problem with it if kids in bed n I'm at work but been noticing last few week he's been doing it upstairs while me n kids downstairs, he deletes history on his phone it's getting to the point where if I want sex at night he doesn't because he's already been upstairs earlier in the day...not sure if I'm looking too much into it but it's starting to drive me mad to what extent how often he's watching it I constantly check his phone but as I said he deletes history before I get chance any advice in general or tips (checking history!) welcome thank u x

[Tonandfeather]

This seems to be a growing problem with porn use.

I don't have relationships with porn users so I'm not sure I can be of any help. I've always found them crap lovers with misogynist tendencies.

If you don't mind him using porn though and only mind if it affects your sex life, then the only thing you can do is talk to him and ask him to stop.

[NeoFaust]

Hi, I'm a porn user. Let him know that it's upsetting you and ask him why he's doing it in a gentle friendly way. He might just be too knackered for foreplay. Maybe you could also find a way of signalling to him if you're feeling frisky, so he doesn't take care of himself earlier in the day.

[SamboA1]

I have mentioned it before that I don't mind it just don't do it while I'm here and he just laughs maybe it's time for another talk thanks

[Jan45]

Honestly, I really don't get this fascination with porn for some men, it's all we've had on here recently. It's really pretty rank to be doing that when you and the kids are downstairs, if you've noticed, what's stopping them?

I'd be telling him how off putting this is and you also don't want the kids to walk in on him, can't he just lock himself in the loo for five minutes?

I'd be very suspicious of why he is constantly deleting his history too, something to hide perhaps?

Seriously, I'd be very concerned about my partner using porn, esp if it started to erode our sex life, so watch it doesn't become a problem.

[Joysmum]

Tell him you've no problems with watching porn but only if it doesn't affect your sex life and he doesn't lie about it. See what he says, explain how it makes you feel.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I think you spell it out to him what the consequences are if he carries on the same way and you make them damn scary. Masturbation is normal but is should be discreet and should not get in the way of a loving physical relationship. Whereas - whatever your personal opinion of porn - he's taking the piss, laughing at you, not taking you seriously and has no respect for you or your family. It's crap.

[SamboA1]

Thanks all I'm thinking he's starting to take the piss too n I'm also concerned of kids seeing it! He's away at the min but a long talk when he's home think I needed to be sure I wasn't over reacting before I get in my high horse! Lol

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

If he knows you don't have a problem with him watching porn, why sneak around and delete his phone history, sounds more like he's sexting someone, swapping pics or arranging meet ups.

[Logg1e]

I wouldn't have a relationship with a porn-user either. However, I agree with those saying regardless of the porn, he is doing something that is impacting on your sex life and he is acting so disrespectful in laughing at you when you try to discuss this.

The fact that he is secretive with exactly what he's watching is a worry. What does he want to hide? Are you sure it's just videos he's engaging in?

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

at Neofaust. What a ridiculous post.

OP - tell him you don't like it and he has broken the agreement not to do it when you or the children are in the house. Tell him what the deal breaker is.

[OxfordBags]

OP, could I suggest that you alter or change your user name? It contains a racist term.

[SamboA1]

@oxfordbags apologies didn't even know I'll do it now!
I'm hoping it's just videos! I'll have another talk n tell him it's us or that x

[Logg1e]

You sound pretty light-hearted about it.

[Sammy321]

Lighthearted about what the situation? I'm not trust me I do believe it's just videos the odd time I catch his history it's just one website if I'm unable to check history I check website data and again it's only the one website he's away at the moment when he gets back I'll keep a close eye on it x

[Logg1e]

Yes, but perhaps it's the 'lol's, 'x's and exclamation marks. It just reads as though you're not taking it seriously.