Cant get this man out of my head. But why???

[Anon25]

I don't know whats wrong with me, but there's this guy that I just can't stop thinking about.

I'm in a long term relationship with the father of my children, we've been together 8 years, had some bad ups and downs, but have mostly been settled and getting on better for a while now. I love him to pieces and would never cheat on him or hurt him, I want to be with him for the rest of my life.

Then there's this guy who lives up our road, he's made it very obvious that he fancies me, tells me all the time that I'm gorgeous etc. In the past (this has been going on for a couple of years!) I've just dismissed him, laughed it off etc. He' what you'd call the local bad guy, the sort that's always in trouble, gets into fights, has kids with a few different women (he doesn't see any of them) and is justnp generally Bad News.

I wouldn't touch this guy with a barge pole, I really really wouldn't....but I can't stop fantasizing about him, imagining all sorts. I hate myself for it, but I just can't stop :(

Why? What is wrong with me?

[EllaFitzgerald]

Is it just a case of feeling flattered and a bit excited that someone fancies you?

If you get the urge to take it any further, just think of the mothers of his children, and remind yourself that you'd be putting yourself in their position and losing everything you have now, just for a quick fumble. Nobody is that good!

I'd be concentrating on livening things up with your DH if I were in your shoes. If you're making each other's toes curl, nobody else is even going to register.

[PublicEnemyNumeroUno]

Does your partner tell you your gorgeous? I agree that you probably just feel very flattered, maybe because he's the local bad boy you feel excitement that he's shown an interest in you. But like the above poster said, just think about all the women he's had kids with, do you want to end up like them?

[SirChenjin]

Flattery, missing those days where you just 'could' without any responsibility, a break from the mundane?

It's OK to feel flattered and it's OK to flirt a bit - but fgs don't take it any further with this man-skank.

[Anon25]

I am flattered. Everyone fancies this guy, but its ME that he is chasing, told me he'd leave his girlfriend for me, that I'm the most stunning person he's ever seen, he can't take his eyes off me etc

The weird thing is, I don't even actually find him that good looking really (all my friends think he's Gods gift to women) but at the same time I'm soooo attracted to him.

I wouldn't act on it, suppose I'm just talking on here because I can't talk to anybody in real life about it, just need to get it off my chest.

And yes my DP tells me I'm gorgeous etc in fact, without sounding big-headed, I get quite a lot of male attention, which I can normally ignore or roll my eyes at, but there's just something about this guy.

[KouignAmann]

He is a player and you are being played.
Block him mentally. He is dangerous!

[Anon25]

I know I know, that's why I'm confused about my thoughts, he is just so persistent, keeps saying 'if you split up with your fella come and see me' and keeps asking if we're still together.

He has a job that involves working outside and if I pass where he's working he just stares at me the whole time, whistles, I can see him talking to his workmates about me, its embarrassing and flattering at the same time

[ALittleStranger]

You've being a bored fool, bluntly.

This is this guy's MO. Why do you think he's had so many kids with so many different girlfriends? You are being played.

Look for what's missing in your own life and marriage that you've found the clumsy approaches of a charming oaf so enticing.

[ALittleStranger]

And it's not flattering. It really shouldn't be. Are you flatted when a salesperson is friendly to you? This is what he always does and it sounds like he's worked his way around all the local women and it's now your turn.

[Anon25]

I know, I'm not going to do anything, I'm really not. Its not worth it

[Blondeorbrunette]

It's not flattering, it's sleazy. What do you think he could be saying to his workmates about you?

Like a pp said, he is playing you and it's working isn't it.

[PublicEnemyNumeroUno]

I think the thing with these 'bad boys' is that they flatter women then the woman thinks maybe she can be the one to 'tame' him.

[Casmama]

He doesn't seem to be actively chasing you just heavily flirting with you when he sees you. You presumably have no way of knowing whether he acts like this with every woman he finds vaguely attractive - fair chance he does and plays on the law of averages.

As long as you are clear you are not interested and don't encourage him in any way or act in a way you wouldn't if your DP was watching then I don't really see much harm.

[BeCool]

Keep telling yourself you aren't the only woman he is doing this too. You really aren't. He's a scoundrel and a chancer.

Ever heard the phrase "don't shoot, don't score"? He'll be shooting and scoring all over town. Is that really flattering? Really?

Perhaps talk to your DP how you could do with some flattery and romance between the 2 of you. Take action to get the needs this man is toying with satisfied at home.

[Anniegetyourgun]

Why wouldn't he say those things to you? It worked on all the others. And now he doesn't even see the children he had with them - which to me is the measure of the man (in the broadest definition of "man"). Being a charming serial shagger is his stock in trade, making every woman feel as if she were the important one is his Unique Selling Point. What was that bloke in Father Ted who did exactly the same, the milkman wasn't it? Just think of yourself as Mrs Doyle, giggling incontinently when he flirts. It's not good for the ego, is it?