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'cutting people out' ... why do people do this?

(29 Posts)
Frostycake Wed 25-Dec-13 22:58:14

I have a former partner who has been in touch today (havent heard from him for several years) to say that he is desperately lonely and doesnt understand why people let him down. He wanted to know if I was single as he has split with his girlfriend (long suffering and devoted) and is looking for somewhere to stay. Now this man has, since I have known him, cut off his mother, his brother, his aunt and various other friends and girlfriends for a variety of perceived 'slights' over the years. The only relative he keeps in touch with is his step father who lives abroad. As far as I am aware, the only reason he doesnt speak to his family is because they didnt stop his mother divorcing his step father, thus, making him homeless. I suggested he put their differences aside and approach his brother, however, my suggestion was met with outrage. My question is, why do people do this 'cutting out' of family when there is no real reason to do so?

FanFuckingTastic Thu 26-Dec-13 15:25:35

Family isn't always as perfect as we'd like to think. I cut my dad out of my life after having my daughter because he sexually abused me as a child and was domestically violent towards my mum and my brother. There's nothing that would make me think the blood we share has any bearing over that decision to protect myself and my children.

ProfessorDent Mon 30-Dec-13 14:48:47

I think it's possible that you chucking old friends and family you can get rid of bad feelings that you associate with them, albeit feelings possibly generated by yourself. A bit like chucking out an old outfit because it brings up old memories. Unfortunately, if you have a lot of bad memories thru having a bad/unhappy life, you'll want to get shot of your entire wardrobe/family. It does make you feel like you can have a fresh start, it can be a bit idealistic (many people hang out with friends they don't even like much just to make do) but it also suggests one is expecting emotional validation when you are not going to get it from certain sources.

Meerka Mon 30-Dec-13 14:58:17

I think you're forgetting that sometimes you need to chuck old family out to keep yourself physically safe.

Mind you, it sounds like the OP's ex has some ishoos

flippinada Mon 30-Dec-13 15:13:06

I think there are 2 types of cutting contact, as others have mentioned.

One will be done by the kind of person who is constantly fallling out with others over perceived/imaginary wrong-doings and slights (like the wedding woman above).

The other type of cutting contact is usually done for very sound reasons (emotional, physical, sexual abuse for example) and usually happens after a lot of soul searching and agonising.

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