Struggling to let go of my feelings :(

[Joanne279]

Please, I think I need a good kick up the backside so I know I'm in the right place 

Mil has now not seem our dc (9,5 and 1yr) (oldest 2 are dh step kids, youngest is his) for nearly a year over a row that I wouldn't let the baby go overnight at 2 weeks old. She is still adamant it's me in the wrong.

2 months ago I text her, and asked her to come up to see the kids. 10 mins later she was oh so enthusiastically there. It went GREAT! Seriously. I invited her out a few times, she politely declined. Then as dd 1st birthday approached, she informed dh she can't bare to be in the same room as me so won't be seeing ANY of the kids. She refused her party invite and didn't even send her a card on her first birthday

2 months later, more family members are removing and blocking me from Facebook because mil is SO upset, Im to be excluded from the whole family. I know Fb is sad, but it's the spite of it that hurts

Dh wants a relationship with his mum, which I respect (but don't understand) but I'm struggling with letting go of this hurt.

Everytime we talk about it, it's a huge emotional row because I don't understand why everyone (or her for that matter) can cut 3 kids out of their lives, rather than bury a petty row. Most family members were never even involved in the row, but I'm excluded everywhere.

I'm really struggling to let go. Feel like I need to be picture perfect to all their pettiness, whilst they get to act like twats x

[EQ2Junkie]

Anyone who gets a strop on and cuts someone out because they won't let a 2 week old away over night is a bloody idiot.

If she refuses to come because you are there it is her loss and she misses out on seeing the DC grow and have a relationship with them. You offered the olive branch several times, you have done your share.

She is a very petty woman who would not by a child a card.

Your H wants a relationship with his mother let him. Unfortunately he has been brought up in this family and thinks their ways are normal. Don't have any discussions with him regarding her and leave them to it.

You have every right to feel hurt. It's not you.

Block them all or come off face book and keep your distance, let your H have contact with his family not you. What you don't know won't hurt you and you don't have to play nice.

[AngryBeaver]

Oh that's ridiculous.
Stupid woman.
She is obviously very manipulative and controlling.
Loads of threads on here about similar types.

Frankly, your dh needs to grow a pair.

You are his wife. His life partner. His best friend?
You and his children, and your emotional wellbeing, should be his priority.

He needs to stand up to mummy dearest and tell her that you are completely right at your refusal to allow your newborn to spend a night way from you. (Who would allow THAT???!)

And that her subsequent behaviour is juvenile and harmful.

He also needs to tell the rest of he family that the blame lies with his mother and not you.

I think you were really gracious to offer the olive branch as you did. You are completely blameless in this situation.

So, there are two options after dh has spoken to his mother and set the record straight.

She can stop being idiotic and precious, and accept tat she was wrong to try to make you give up your 2week old (ffs) to please her.
Or, dh can take the children to see her without you.

I really hope you show your dh this thread.

Seriously op's dh, you're backing the wrong mother

Good luck op x

[Joanne279]

I've refused the dc to go up there without me. She wants them up there but I'm banned from the house. Bearing in mind the eldest two are her step gc, no WAY am I backing down to this

I told my dh, we go as a family, or you go alone. X

[AngryBeaver]

Well, do the children WANT to see their grandmother?
If so, you're being a bit unreasonable.

Frankly, I wouldn't be setting foot in her home until I'd received some sort of apology/acknowledgement that it was an unreasonable request.

This situation is totally of her own making and she needs to sort it out.

[MillyRules]

I think that if she is being so petty because you wouldn't let your two week old baby stay alone with her overnight then she is definitely in the wrong here. Secondly, if she wont have you in her home then i think that i would agree with you that my children cant go either. She is trying her best to cause problems for you and seems a bit of a nasty woman actually. I would just tell DH that if he wants to see his mother that is fine by you but that the children will not be going with him. Its like she is trying to cause a rift between you your husband and the kids.
If she wants to be like that just ignore her and enjoy your life. Don't let someone else make you feel unhappy. Its not worth it and nor is she.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

All she wants is CONTROL. She has it with the family. She does not need to have it with you. Don't let her poison your relationship with DH. Set your boundaries and stand back.

[plentyofsoap]

You are better off without her by the sounds of things. Its sad but she may not be the best influence on the children?

[cupcake78]

She sounds exhausting and ridiculous.

Don't enter into this silly game. Let the children see their grandmother. Tell dh its his mum he can see her whenever he likes. Text her and tell her your sorry she is so upset with you. That as she is family and always will be she is always welcome to come for coffee etc. Don't go overboard! Your not grovelling your simply being a mature adult. Every now and then phone them and say your passing by the children would like to see her can you all pop in. When she says no or refuses to answer just say oh well, that's a shame maybe another time soon.

It's very difficult for a person to continue being so pathetic if people don't enable her! Rise above it, be the better person and don't treat her any differently.

[myroomisatip]

I completely agree with you in that you either go as a family or your DH goes alone.

I think it is shockingly unreasonable to expect you to let your baby stay overnight at such a young age and I am so glad you did not bow to pressure.

In your shoes I would forget about the lot of them as I cannot see that having relationships with them would enhance your, or your childrens lives.