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What contact do I have to accept by exh

(18 Posts)
moldingsunbeams Mon 18-Nov-13 12:15:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 18-Nov-13 12:27:52

You don't have to have any contact other than necessities. If he is not visiting DD then there is no need for him to be in touch. If he was a reasonable man you'd potentially be able to have a reasonable relationship, cooperative and fair. If he's an unreasonable man, you need to detach from him and involve the law instead.

Contact and maintenance should be legally defined, for example. That way if he reneges he is committing an offence. If you don't want him to have contact with your DD get CSA involved about the maintenance. If you're getting abusive messages from him threatening suicide etc, keep them and show them to the police. Their 101 non-emergency number is good for this kind of thing. Seven years on is ridiculous. It's harassment.

onetiredmummy Mon 18-Nov-13 12:40:24

If he doesn't see DD or provide for her then you need not have contact at all. Change your number/email address.

What would happen if you just don't answer?

moldingsunbeams Mon 18-Nov-13 12:42:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moldingsunbeams Mon 18-Nov-13 12:43:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun Mon 18-Nov-13 12:50:40

Well, don't check your email daily. You don't have to. I remember the wonderful liberating moment when I realised one day that I am not obliged to answer my own telephone just because it's ringing. I was about 38 at the time!

Suggest you send him one sharp email that says "please only contact me for matters directly relating to DD. I have no interest in anything else you may wish to say to me and will refer any communications of this type to the police". Then he can't say he wasn't warned. And then you do that. Constant unsolicited emailing is harassment and there is a law against it.

Or just email back "that's nice, dear" to everything, including the suicide threats.

onetiredmummy Mon 18-Nov-13 12:51:22

He either still thinks you care about him or you have a duty to listen to his shit. You don't.

With regard to bills he can contact the company & explain that you don't live there anymore & either give them your email or not, its simple really & I am still doing that for my ex! Otherwise I tell him the company name & what the bill is for & he can contact them himself. What kind of bills are appearing after 7 years? In my experience if you owe money to a company they don't arse about for 7 years sending letters, they would take matters further & would find you at your new address if necessary. Are the bills true or is he trying to manipulate you through financial fear?

angry that he would hassle your parents!

moldingsunbeams Mon 18-Nov-13 13:00:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 18-Nov-13 13:02:08

You should probably run a credit report, see what debts still have your name on them and then consider talking to CAB about how, seven years down the track, you can get yourself out of the liabilities.

moldingsunbeams Mon 18-Nov-13 13:05:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun Mon 18-Nov-13 13:09:03

Didn't you have a clean break divorce then?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 18-Nov-13 13:09:42

You have to cut off his oxygen supply. Either ignore completely or keep a copy and reply 'talk to my solicitor'. Nothing more than that or he will treat it as encouragement to keep communicating. Any 'HELOOOO' rubbish... ignore, ignore, ignore. A good tip is to change your main e-mail address for everyone except him so that you can choose if/when you read it, rather than when it's not convenient. As said earlier, keep copies and report to the police if he's getting too far out of his box.

You can run a credit report via Experian and it should tell you any credit going back quite a long way that has been taken out in your name. You have to sign up with a credit card but, once you've got the report, you can cancel the account and not have to pay.

Citizens Advice Bureau are very good at this kind of thing.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 18-Nov-13 13:10:26

BTW... if he hassles your parents, that would also potentially be an offence.

onetiredmummy Mon 18-Nov-13 13:11:58

You perhaps need to take full control of your finances OP & see what the debts are, particularly if some are fraudulent & are in your name but you didn't take them out.

There are a few ways of doing this:

- Get your credit report online, its gives details of debts & creditors who are trying to get repaid.

- Make an appt with the CAB, they have specific financial consultants who deal with debt & ask their advice, there are all sorts of things that can be done depending upon the level of debt & your ability to repay them.

- Phone Stepchange for advice.

- If money has been taken out in your name & signatures forged then that is criminal & need to be investigated.

Take control of the money, just worry about the debts you are liable to repay, not his & get yours sorted. Its such a relief to do pro active things (& in the end I found that I was so angry with my ex about the finances that it gave me the strength to get rid of him once & for all.) It can seem daunting but its worth it!

onetiredmummy Mon 18-Nov-13 13:12:22

x posted with Cog smile

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 18-Nov-13 13:13:20

It's worth saying twice! smile

moldingsunbeams Mon 18-Nov-13 13:15:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun Mon 18-Nov-13 13:22:00

O right. So some slightly untidy ends left by necessity. Still, 7 years is one hell of a long time for joint liabilities to be still crawling out of the woodwork. You do need to take control of this or it may run on forever #shudder# .

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