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Dp talks to me like I'm a ****

(52 Posts)
Thecowjumpedoverthemoon Mon 11-Nov-13 11:39:05

We had a massive row yesterday.

Nothing major happened but I went a bit doolally after he spoke to me like a **.
Then acted like I'd done something unforgivable, said I was a c* and he wasn't interested in me anymore.

I can only give examples of what he is like (even when he's in a good mood).

If anyone leaves the kitchen door open (it's cold in there) he won't say 'can you shut the door please' on our way through, he will wait until we have left it open, then make a sarcy snide comment like 'yeah, you just leave the door open then thats fine'
He can't say something politely when it's happening he will leave it until the 'mistake has been made, then make nasty comments, it really gets my back up.
He does it to my teen son and he does it to me in front of the kids.
I usually get annoyed and pull him up on it, which ends in a row with him telling me I'm a c****.

Yesterday we were in the car, he was in the back with ds2 2yo.
I pulled off from our parking space, when a few seconds had passed he said 'you just pull off when I haven't clipped ds in properly, that's fine, you carry on'
I said ' why couldn't you say something before I pulled away?' He then said 'yep it's my fault, all my fault'
I realise I should have been more thoughtful and realise my mistake, but think he could have helped the situation by telling me when it mattered.
This then became about me not taking responsibility.
When we got home he unclipped ds from his seat and took him out at the end of our road, which infuriated me.

Later we argued which ended in me crying for hours.

He made nasty comments about my mental health too (I have ocd).

I felt dead inside and am still feeling shock from his comments.

I know I make mistakes and am far from perfect but I just want him to stop setting me up to fail in his books so he can verbally abuse me further.

I'm lonely, I live nowhere near family and friends, I can't leave and won't leave this house.
My sons need to stay here so leaving isn't an option.
I'm afraid I just have to live with this but limit the damage.

I already have to manage what's on tv at weekends because of the nasty comments he makes about people on tv, he thinks he's hilarious!

A lot of the time we get on great but I've realised this is only when things are going 100% his way,

He is negative a lot of the time and if we do something as a family he just points out how crap everything is. It's draining.

I looked into leaving but my son will be devastated and I will get the blame.
From the outside I have it good because I'm a SAHM.

Btw his dad does the same, makes sarcy comments.

Just want to know what your thoughts are!

ProudestDad Sat 16-Nov-13 22:39:38

OP, you wrote:

He made nasty comments about my mental health too (I have ocd).

I felt dead inside and am still feeling shock from his comments.

The comments made by this bully are emotionally damaging and the feelings stated by you in your original post are worrying for me. I believe that great injury has already been inflicted on you.

In my experience verbal abuse might not have caused me any physical bruises, but the psychological effects of the words said to me, words that made me too feel "dead inside," did manifest themselves in an emotionally damaging and physically painful way. These very real effects, for me, are were more difficult to put behind me and get over than the bruise I suffered from the smack in the face.

Good luck

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Sun 17-Nov-13 22:45:23

We let a house to a Mum on benefits with two DCs. I have great respect for her. It was a bit rocky at the beginning and we let her pay the deposit in three portions. We had loads of choice regarding tenants but were astonished at the lovely manners her little boy had (5yo) and felt we wanted to help her as we took to her as a person too. 16 months in now and all's well. We are committed to keeping her as a tenant and she loves the house and is doing a great job as a single mum.
I had an exDP that was EA. I felt trapped too. I read a book called 'Men that hate women and the women who love them' It's a long time ago but men evolve so slowly I'm sure it's all still relevant (smile) but it was a revelation to me at the time. I felt like I was reading about HIM! I moved back home to care for my Mum with cancer and one day he rang (2 weeks before she died) demanding I go over to his house, I said no as Mum was so ill at that point and he said to not bother going back ever, he thought this was a threat, but it was a 'final straw' moment and never went near him again. I get to hear about him every now and again and he's still a monumental bell end.

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