Mediation - what to expect

[FramboiseCoulis]

Hello

My DH and I will do a mediation session next week to discuss the living arrangements for our daughter. She is currently with me and he wants that to change.

Can anyone give any advice on what to expect?
Do I need to prepare anything?
What role will the facilitator have exactly? Will she guide the discussion?

If new topics come up during the session, should they be treated immediately or covered in another session?

I was under the impression that one session would be enough. I blinking hope so!

If we don't agree, what's the next step?

Cheers for any help.

[Sidge]

I found mediation very useful when I was getting divorced. However exH and I had no disputes over residency so our mediation was more to sort out financial details and access.

I had a list of things I hoped to achieve - essential and desirable. The mediators (we had 2) were very good and neutral and managed to keep us focused on what we were there for ie what was in the best interests of the children. They gave us their legal and professional input but made it quite clear they weren't there to advise us (that's what my solicitor was for), we needed to work out between us what we wanted. They assessed whether the proposals were fair and just and whether the judge would agree. They said the judge wasn't there to just rubber-stamp the decree absolute but would want to see that what we had arranged was in the best interests of the children and was fair.

I doubt very much you'll be able to complete it in one session if you have major disputes such as residency to settle. It took us one session each (alone) just to outline things so far and provide financial disclosure, then one two hour session to draw up the proposals for the consent order.

Good luck.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Who has suggested mediation in the first place?.

What was your marriage like overall, was there abuse present?. I ask that purely because if this man has previously acted abusively towards you mediation is never recommended in such circumstances.

[skyeskyeskye]

Mediation was good for me as XH wouldnt discuss anything with me, but they forced him to talk and to make decisions and to give answers.

Unfortunately he later went back on every single thing that he had agreed, but at the time, it was the only way that we could sort things out. We each had one initial meeting to discuss what we wanted, and then two sessions to sort out the contact

[FramboiseCoulis]

Hi
thanks for your responses.
I actually had no idea my DH was going for 50-50 on residency, as our daughter has been with me since we formally split in July. It came about after I asked him to confirm he was ok with the arrangements we had, then we could proceed with the divorce papers.
Then he came out with this!
My lawyer suggested mediation, so I hope to resolve this issue.
I think he's doing it to stop paying any kind of child maintenance, and not in the interest of our daughter's well-being.

[akaWisey]

He can't stop paying maintenance unless he's got 100% residency which he won't get. He would pay for the proportion of time she is with you.

However you can take that concern to mediation. The mediators should point out to you both the pros/cons of both your proposals (well that's what mine did).

[skyeskyeskye]

You should each be able to put forward your "case" and the mediators should help you to reach a compromise. If that can't happen, then it would go to court. Judge's usually insist on mediation before it goes to court, so you are going down the right road.

If he is going for 50/50, then you obviously need to look at how that affects maintenance, also the day to day practicalities of school etc when she is with him.

A lot of men say it without actually thinking it through. My Xh threatened it. I pointed out that he can't even see her one night a week due to his work, so how on earth he thought she could live with him half the week.......