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Very basic dating advice needed please!

(25 Posts)
ClementineKelandra Sun 03-Nov-13 14:55:01

Been single forever but have met a guy I like. I have no idea what I'm doing though. I've a history of attracting abusive men and I'm now determined to break that cycle.

Been on one date with a guy. We just met for a coffee last week. We talked on Friday and then we arranged to speak tonight.

I've not heard anything since. What do I do? Do I phone him, wait for him to contact me or text him this afternoon to see if he still wants to talk?

So far I always wait for him to contact me because I don't want to appear desperate. I feel nervous though. I have no idea what I'm doing!!

MummyBeerest Sun 03-Nov-13 14:57:28

If you arranged to speak tonight, why not wait until then?

qazxc Sun 03-Nov-13 14:58:11

It's always nerve racking at first. But if he has said he will call you this evening i'm sure he will, no need to ring him now to check he is ringing you in a few hours IMO.

ClementineKelandra Sun 03-Nov-13 14:58:42

So do I just wait for him to ring?

I'm over thinking this aren't I?

MummyBeerest Sun 03-Nov-13 15:00:13

Yeah, just wait. Don't overthink wink

But maybe, when he calls, suggest making plans to get together?

ClementineKelandra Sun 03-Nov-13 15:00:13

He never said he ring we just said shall we speak on Sunday night. But I jyst leave it for him to contact me now?

MummyBeerest Sun 03-Nov-13 15:00:46

He'll call.

ClementineKelandra Sun 03-Nov-13 15:01:08

I'm always scared of asking him out. I think I'm scared of rejection so I can't bring myself to ask.

ClementineKelandra Sun 03-Nov-13 15:01:59

If he doesn't do I just leave it?

malinaaa Sun 03-Nov-13 15:03:31

Wait for him, if you arranged a time to speak tonight, there is still plenty of time smile

MummyBeerest Sun 03-Nov-13 15:03:44

But if you never ask, he'll think he's more into it than you!

He'll call.

ClementineKelandra Sun 03-Nov-13 15:06:53

That's true MummyBeerest, I have a feeling I'm maybe being a bit too aloof.

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 03-Nov-13 15:11:44

You could always say something like I've always fancied going to x restaurant or this film, see if you get a positive response and then led onto shall we go together.

I met DH online. I came on mumsnet complaining he hadn't called, had texted to say he'd had a nice time etc. Eventually, with lots of lovely support, built up the courage to contact him. He'd been in bed with full on flu, and not abducted by aliens.

Wait out early evening tonight but set yourself a time to call him if he hasn't made the first move.

MummyBeerest Sun 03-Nov-13 15:12:16

There's a fine line between aloof and casual. Wait for the call, but when he does call, let him know you'd like to get together.

ClementineKelandra Sun 03-Nov-13 15:16:10

Ok, thank you. Feeling slightly less unhinged now. smile

MummyBeerest Mon 04-Nov-13 02:17:25

Sooo? How'd it go?

BadLad Mon 04-Nov-13 04:34:59

What do I do? Do I phone him, wait for him to contact me or text him this afternoon to see if he still wants to talk?

So far I always wait for him to contact me because I don't want to appear desperate. I feel nervous though. I have no idea what I'm doing!!

One text or phone call doesn't appear desperate at all. Hundreds of increasingly irate texts would appear desperate, but nothing at all wrong with a text suggesting meeting up next week, or a phone call to chat and set up a date for next time.

He might actually be sitting and having the same dilemma as you.

If he is, then, like you, he is overthinking things. Nobody is put off by one text or phone call, despite the commonly spouted myth that men like to do the chasing and get annoyed when women do the asking. Or, if they do decide they don't want anything to do with you because you made one phone call, then they obviously have issues and you will have dodged a bullet.

Too long to read? Short version - call if you feel like it.

FolkGirl Mon 04-Nov-13 06:25:16

Hope he called. It feels horrible to wait for a call that doesn't arrive, even if you find out afterwards that there was a good reason for it!

ClementineKelandra Mon 04-Nov-13 14:36:20

Ok, basically he blew me out.

I text him. He said he'd like to talk and to phone him when I was able to. About 5 minutes before I was going to phone he texted me to say he was feeling rough and going to go to bed and could we chat tonight instead.

Walk away? I certainly will not be texting or calling him now. He'll have to make the effort ifs he's genuinely interested.

PaulineWhatsername Mon 04-Nov-13 14:47:04

Yes, let him make the effort. If he doesn't you'll know he's not worth your time and there's plenty more out there.

qazxc Mon 04-Nov-13 14:47:42

I would imagine that even if feeling rough you would be able to hold a conversation. confused
He might redeem himself but you're right to proceed with caution and expect him to make more of an effort. If you still feel in limboland in a week or two, i'd let him go.

ClementineKelandra Mon 04-Nov-13 14:57:08

I'm going to delete his numbers so in not tempted to call or text him.

Men are sooooo weird!! He has been so flirty with me and actually said in a text that he found me attractive. Then a week later he's cooled right off. His loss eh!

LividofLondon Mon 04-Nov-13 15:03:13

That's a shame Clementine. Part of me thinks even if he wasn't feeling well he could still chat, but I know how incapable I am of stringing a sentence together if I'm ill (especially if it's a migraine or nausea) or really tired. What I would have done is text him back saying "hope you feel better soon, call me when you do" then you both know the ball is in his court. Then just get on with your life and try to chill out about it all...easier said than done when you like someone, I appreciate.

ClementineKelandra Mon 04-Nov-13 18:12:15

I sent a really nice text back saying "yeah no problem , hope you feel better soon" I hope I sounded relaxed about it.

If he doesn't call me tonight then I know where I stand. I'm a little disappointed but plenty more fish and all that smile

Whatsthefuture Thu 07-Nov-13 18:48:29

ClementineKelandra, I'm having the same dilemma as you. We arranged to meet tonight and go to the cinema. Stupidly I booked the tickets. He texted me this morning and blew me out, saying he had too much work to do. I was gutted. I haven't seen him for two weeks because he had the flu but we contacted each other everyday. So my thinking is, if he was really into me he would have made a plan, especially after two weeks of not seeing each other. So I texted him back saying "Ok" and then deleted his number from my contact list.
I still feel very confused. what happened? So I really feel for you. This dating thing is fraught isn't it?

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