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What is this and how would you deal with it?

(53 Posts)
Sparklysilversequins Thu 17-Oct-13 22:38:49

You're going out for the day and your DP is irritable. So he says things like:-

"brushed your teeth kids?" kids say not yet, DP says in a shocked voice "really?! Well that should part of your daily routine, does Mummy not tell you to do it every day because you really should know that by now". Accompanied by tutting and head shaking.


"have you got your coats kids? No? Well we really should be taking a ruck sack with all these things in YOU shouldn't have to worry about this! Do you usually not take one with you? Tut tut" head shaking.


"yes we are going to have to rush now kids because we are leaving twenty minutes later than we said we would because Mummy had a bath, so let's be quick.". (Mummy has got herself and two dc ready while daddy got himself ready).

How would you respond to this? Thanks.

Themanfrommanc Wed 23-Oct-13 17:02:17

Sounds like some kind of psychological bullying whether intended,recognised or not..Have a quiet word with him when the children arent there.

lurkinglorna Wed 23-Oct-13 17:27:57

i think the reason why a lot of us are suggesting "get rid" as first option, is when you're having a discussion with a PA man they're so weak and sensitive to criticism, its not even a conversation?

lornas thoughts :"how can we move this forward, i'll genuinely state what i think and feel?"

PA person thoughts: "oh my god I'M being criticised and not getting approval! i need to WIN here."

It matters more to them that they protect this incredibly fragile self image in which they are "king of the situation" than actually resolving the issue?

So they just produce weird uber defensive "straw man" arguments where they're not actually addressing the point?

Or try and enlist sympathy for themselves - get others involved in supporting them?

Or its "someone" else's fault - yeah its those crazy feminists or my boss or God or something hmm

Or claim they're "just being honest" or "it's how they are, its masculine logic".

if you walk away cause they're so fucking tedious/defensive you're thinking of shagging the milkman, then they'll do a little victory dance cause that means they've "won". No love, you're just pathetic and others are bored with you.

So: the outcome of a discussion with a PA man: either you can go down to "his" weird game playing level, or leave/rid.

funnily enough when one meets men who are genuinely masculine with a sense of self they take responsibility for their opinions and their actions, they don't describe themselves as "typical blokes" to avoid criticism!

(that seems to be used by whiny self involved types who don't actually like anything resembling manning up)

Flora5 Wed 23-Oct-13 18:20:38

Ask him how he thinks it sounds to the children. It sounds as though he habitually puts you down and almost is unaware of it, it is time for him to see it is unfair and makes you look stupid in front of the children. Not on.

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