Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Advice needed please

(27 Posts)
Staceyjones19790 Sun 13-Oct-13 12:15:20

My husband left in January. He had been distant for a month beforehand. I loved him very much and our family meant the world to me (we have 2 kids age 5&6). We had major money stresses for his business partners kicking him out of his business (no shareholder agreement as they were great friends, however the other 2 were brothers and wanted a family business) the next few years were mounting debts due to a legal battle and husband starting a new job and me Home with the kids and studying for a degree. I also got a part time job in the evenings to help make ends meet. He was abused by a trusted family friend when he was 13, he decided a few years back to go to the police and amazingly this pervert admitted it and was sent to prison for nine months. Throughout it all, I was so proud of my husband and believed our future was bright. He often worked away 2-3 nights a week (no trust issues there as we were in constant contact). Inevitably the stresses of business stuff, abuse took a toll on our personal relationship but I just knew how much we loved each other and we would get through it. Until January.
Since he left he has been cold, distant and hurtful. But we are having relationship counselling as so much has gone on and having fought tooth and nail for our future I am finding it hard to not fight for him. I knew when I married him that potentially the abuse he suffered would manifest itself. He blames his parents and had nothing to do with them.

I have also found out he has a casual sexual relationship with a much older woman than me that hurts so much as I cannot understand why he can put effort into that but not repairing our family.
I know that people that have been abused can run away and shut off. He tells me He definitely doesn't want to get back together but for
Some reason I don't believe him. Why has he agreed to counselling with me? I'm so confused. Do I keep fighting for him like I always have? Or give up.
To understand me a little, I'm not a weak person, I haven't say and crumbled over this heartache, I have taken the kids on holiday and kept my chin up mostly. But I love him, I kind of understand in a way as he has done the typical shut off and run away from problems, but we all know they catch up with you in the end?

StaceyWacey19790 Mon 14-Oct-13 18:42:39

ok so I went to my session alone today and the counsellor explained that H hasnt dealt with his childhood trauma. pretty said what you guys said. Demonizing me to justify his own behaviour which he isnt prepared to admit yet, thats the counsellors job to ask him WHY its my fault all the time. The other woman is him just doing what he wants, escapism.
I am finding this so hard to cope with.
I meant my marriage vows. Through thick and thin.

StaceyWacey19790 Mon 14-Oct-13 18:46:50

*pretty much said what you guys have said - sorry for the typo

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now