Stbxh won't leave me alone

[RollerCola]

H & I agreed to separate in July, although at first he refused to move out (wanting me to pay him his share first) Eventually agreed to move out 2 weeks ago.

Although it was a mutual decision and us both declaring there was no one else involved, the day before he left I discovered hundreds of messages between him and another woman which had been going on for much longer than our agreed separation. I confronted him, he denied. I didn't ask for details but it was clear that they'd either slept together or we're planning to v soon.

This was at least the 3rd time I'd caught him out with text affairs over the years. I suspect there were many more. His only excuse is that he didn't feel 'wanted' in our marriage. I have now filed for divorce.

In the 2 weeks he's been gone he hasn't left me alone. He's been back to the house loads of times 'to collect some stuff' & to 'see the children' but each time he just spends the whole time complaining about things (things broken in his flat, he can't sleep, money etc etc) He even came round to see dd when I was out & had a rest on the settee because he was so tired. He also calls me a lot to tell me 'where he's up to' with finances etc.

I really need to not see him. I feel so much better when he's not around. The atmosphere at home is happy, no more tension etc. and then he comes round again

I know he needs to see the kids and I will always have to have contact with him. For the time being the house is still half his as well but I really don't want him to keep coming round. He has treated me like shit for years & I hate him. I want to move on but it's like he's still not left.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Tell him, in writing preferably. that he is not to come to the house except with your specific permission. Suggest a contact schedule for the children. If there's any more stuff he needs to collect, suggest a date for that. And finish by saying that, if he can't abide by your wishes, you'll be forced to put all communication through a solicitor.

He's trying (and succeeding) in making you uncomfortable in your own home and is possibly gambling that you'll ask him to move back in for an easy life. What a jerk

[RollerCola]

You're right, it is uncomfortable. He made a really big thing before he left about wanting us to stay friends for the sake of the children. I nearly fell for it and even worried about how he'd cope on his own.

Then I found out about the ow . Now I can barely be civil to him but he's still acting like we're great mates. He's always liked moaning & wanting people to feel sorry for him. I've always been the one there to listen to his long list of moans.

Maybe he's realising he no longer has an audience.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

You know him best and I suspect you've hit the nail on the head. Have a word with your solicitor about where you stand in terms of him popping round all the time.

[RollerCola]

Wondering whether to change the locks once his name's off the deeds?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

My house has security bolts that I put on at night... Operate from the inside which means, even if someone has a key, they can't get in. If you suddenly became more security-conscious as a woman living on her own.. I think that would be reasonable.

[RollerCola]

I might get some, I have become more security aware. I am The Protector now :) Apparently he's sent the divorce papers back which is good news.