I am a bit frustrated and not sure whether my situation is entirely normal or unusual.
Basically I never feel sexual desire going about my normal daily life (except sex scenes in fiction or accidental porn on the net).
I can usually stimulate desire by masturbation, but not as frequently as daily.
so I never initiate sex as I never want it, and I am mostly a little wary when husband initiates as I doubt that I will get interested.
if I get the idea that husband is going to "make a move" I can get myself more in the mood so that I am more receptive when the time comes.
husband is considerate in bed and i enjoy sex and mostly orgasm.
so, I guess my question is, at what point do most women feel desire in a long term relationship? do most wives (not newly weds!) feel sexually blank most of the time? is there anything I can do about it?
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How does desire work for you if you are married?
cafecoffee · 06/09/2013 21:18
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THe thing about feeling desire is that it mostly comes from within, not without. Assuming that you do desire your DH at times and are not actually repulsed by him 
the trick to feeling desire more is to make yourself feel more desirable.
This means indulging yourself. As well as wife/mother/worker/care-taker etc you need to feel like a woman. Someone who is gorgeous. Take long baths, wear nice lingerie, have a massage. For some people it may be something more physical rather than traditionally sexy, e.g going for a run or a workout. Do something normal in your daily life but imagine yourself watching from the outside and picture yourself as sexy while doing it. The point is it is about you and your own enjoyment of yourself, not looking at someone else and thinking phwaor (though that undoubtedly helps).
One of the reasons passion tends to fade in long-term relationships is not because of time or familiarity but because the sexual part of people's lives gets lost in the mundane domestic stuff. People forget that feeling 'nice' is just as important as getting the laundry done, and partners forget to show their appreciation. Keep those things alive and the desire tends to stick around, although there will always be times (e.g. after having a child, during a crisis, etc) where that isn't always possible.
If your DH is considerate out of bed as well as in bed, hopefully you won't have to educate him that nothing kills desire like being taken for granted and little more than a glorified housekeeper.
Sometimes, of course, desire goes because of deeper problems in the relationship or simply because you fall out of lust. It happens. That doesn't sound like it's the case for you though.
Good luck.
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