I left my alcoholic and v abusive ex fiance for good this summer after a few failed tries before. I have absolutely commited to it this time and felt i was in a much better place than previous attempts.. despite the trauma of the abuse, and leaving home, job, pet , possessions etc behind. (and having to move back in with parents..where i still am for now) I have never ever been one to go quickly into a new relationship but I started seeing a guy who had been a friend for a short time and it progressed into more. It all just happened naturally and for me it was breaking the mould.. i didnt want to spend years single like i had after other breakups, as felt ex had cost me enough years as it was. Also that life is too short and get on with it ( a friend died tragically and unexpectedly this summer..same age as me.. it gave me such a kick up the bum to try and live in the moment).. it all felt right with him.
We were so happy and full of hope for the future..preferably together.
But to cut a long story short..my ex guessed (without real evidence) that i was seeing him. Obviously it's none of his business, but my ex is a very, very sick man (and in denial about it and refuses treatment). They used to be friendly(but more like acquaintances). He took it as a massive betrayal. This whole week ex has kicked off harrassing me, my family, friends and this new guy (not physical harrassment..he doesnt drive and can't get here). As a result..new guy has dumped me and run a mile. I don't blame him ( i can't go into details but it was really , really spiteful and malicious, what my ex did.. opened up massive wounds) I'm completely heartbroken.
I did the right thing by leaving but it made no difference. The abuse followed me. I had every chance of happiness with this guy. My ex has won..the evil bully has won. And this guy admits he has..he thought he could handle it but really in the heat of things he could not. I knew what my ex was capable of.. new guy had no experience of vicious, vitriolic abusers.
I am waiting for my domestic violence advisor to call me,she's on annual leave. I know i will have to get an order in place now. But that's not going to bring this guy back. He has made it quite clear it's totally final. Because my ex won't let me go, i'm a liability. Even though i fled and am two counties away. It's too much risk and baggage for anyone new. My ex will stop at nothing to punish me for leaving him . He told everyone he'd split us..and he succeeded. He had aces up his sleeve to break my new guy and he used them.
I am utterly broken.
I know some people will think, well i'm better off without this new guy if he runs like this. but what my ex did cut to the core. and this new guy isn't in the strongest of places or rather hadnt been and my ex played on that to rip the plaster off as it were.. but together we were so strong and moving forward hand in hand. Until this.
Please be kind , i am in pieces i have been crying non stop for two days. I feel i have nothing to live for or look forward to at all. We were so happy and falling for each other.
My parents are angry i'm crying all the time and my dad shouts at me for getting involved with my ex in the first place and i've brought it all on myself. but he'd been dry for 6yrs..we had 3 good years (out of our 4) until in the last year he picked up the bottle again.
This new guy is totally through with me and its another loss..but this is the worst one i've had as a result of leaving. And this should've been my happy new beginning.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Abusive ex has cost me so much..and still is
35 replies
alltoomuchrightnow · 30/08/2013 23:51
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.