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It's my 11th wedding anniversary tomorrow and we've just had a row and he said 'cancel the booking' I'm not going out with you tomorrow night

(33 Posts)
Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 20:01:12

He was pissed off that he'd come home and there was no beer and crisps in for his Friday night, Friday is my day off so I guess he expects me to get this sort if stuff in- I didn't this time as I didn't really think about it- I'd gone out of my way to pick up his 'urgent' prescription for ad ... And told him this.
Sometimes I really hate hate hate being with him and the way we argue. Not sure whether he means our anniversary is 'off' now
Sorry for waffling....not sure what to do- my 2 oldest ds sorta heard the argument and came in to give me a it hug and saw me crying afterwards - ...

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 22:28:39

Yellow- you talk a lot of sense- I appreciate your thought and all ur replies - am staggered by the great response .. Thank you all.

yellowballoons Fri 30-Aug-13 22:06:33

ok. I am going to go out on a limb and probably get flamed.
Some rows have patterns. Tired hungry and friday nights are not a great mix.
Nor are anticipations of big events sometimes.

Tomorrow's event may still happen. Or it may not. Depends how fast you pair are at making up.

He is also stressed at work and having anxiety attacks. Perhaps let him off tonight's tantrum?

Too much drinking isnt going to help him. Sounds like that is becoming his coping mechanism.
That talk may be best to wait for at least next week.

[I realise this may not be how others might play it. But I would cut him some slack for a few days]

ImperialBlether Fri 30-Aug-13 21:59:13

Round the corner! What an idiot he is. Having said that it is nice to think that somebody thinking of you in the day while you're at work. I can sort of understand why he was disappointed but he's a complete idiot for not just going himself

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 21:50:41

Yes we have a waitrose round the corner - and he did- much to his annoyance that he had to go out again- ffs he is a child sometimes I am realising that -

ImperialBlether Fri 30-Aug-13 21:49:21

Can he get to the shop? If he can why doesn't he?

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 21:12:17

Cremola- I think your advice is great x

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 21:10:44

I would like to shag Harvey Keitel in the Piano though - at least some good has come of this wine

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 21:09:28

I agree- I think beer doesn't help his annoyed attitude- he'd been on a train from Waterloo for an hour home with 2 beers already before he walked in the door to find there were no more beers! The gall .. Then he moaned I was sitting around having a g&t and not giving a shit about him- I've had the 3 boys all day .angryangryangryangry

LEMisdisappointed Fri 30-Aug-13 21:02:23

"beer and ADs does an asshole make" really? oh hmm

AFishWithoutABicycle Fri 30-Aug-13 20:55:23

I think sometimes expectations of events like this can make things extra tense.
Maybe he's just being an unreasonable grumpy arse. I'm sure we all are like that sometimes i know i am
But that doesn't make it okay and you should make that clear.

cozietoesie Fri 30-Aug-13 20:54:07

I'll hope that you get a contritely presented tea in bed with a flower tomorrow morning. You do need to talk more about things, though, from what you say. And in a calm situation, not an argument.

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 20:51:19

Joinyourplayfellows- fab strategy ... Hope I have the guys to follow it thru

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 20:50:37

Yellow - it's not entirely normal but sometimes we communicate badly with each other and when we are having other stresses in our lives then things spiral I guess....he's particularly grumpy and down at the moment..and this is the result- we had a really bad one (row) about 8 weeks ago when - again on a Friday night after we'd both had long weeks- ( we have 3 ds's) and both work, which was caused by his anxiety and general shittiness- I forgave him for what he said that night to me but the way he talks to me in our argument is getting worse... Very abusive

Cremolafoam Fri 30-Aug-13 20:49:55

Beer + anti depressants does an asshole make.
You've got two children - you dot need another one.
Find some time for yourself with some actual adults. Seriously you do not have to be his mother too.
He is responsible for his own reactions not you. An anniversary is not worth celebrating unless both of you participate.
Ignore until he grovels and do your own thing.

yellowballoons Fri 30-Aug-13 20:45:35

Is this normal behaviour for him?
Are you both anxious about tomorrow's upcoming event?

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 20:42:00

Thanks for all the practical advice- really helpful- i will see how it goes and what he's like in the morning I guess- sometimes he is so stubborn and will not apologise. So tbh I may not get anything- but... Who knows eh??

Lexiesinclair Fri 30-Aug-13 20:33:54


Hope he does apologise and you get it sorted OP.

LEMisdisappointed Fri 30-Aug-13 20:33:53

Definately no excuse! I suffer from anxiety and am on ADs, but i would never dream of behaving the way he has done. I would cook up the nice juicy steak, serve it up with a lovely salad and enjoy it with a nice cold glass of wine, enjoy the DVD. Then make sure you go out tomorrow night, either arrange to go with friends or go the cinema, do NOT stay in and do not try and win him round, let him sulk - don't give him the attention he is seeking. If he has ANY sense he will be grovelling at your feet with an apology in the morning, however i would still be tempted to say "well you told me to cancel, i have and am going out with X instead" we will have to rearrange.

Lexiesinclair Fri 30-Aug-13 20:33:09

I would give him until the morning to apologise and then do what JoinYourPlayfellows suggests.

Hope he does ap

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 20:27:14

Coconut- yes he can be- and he had his lovely sides- he's very very stressed with work at moment- and having anxiety attacks - hence the ad prescription , but that's no excuse I know

Squitten Fri 30-Aug-13 20:26:52

Whether it's major or not depends on whether it's typical of life in your house or not. Does he expect you to do it all like a 1950s housewife?

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 30-Aug-13 20:25:22

"he has the gall to tell me that I'm going out along tomorrow night"

This is how you play it - make sure you are not going out alone tomorrow night by arranging to go out with some of your friends.

He appears to have offered to babysit.

If he complains tell him you won't celebrate 11 years of marriage to a grumpy arsehole who strops like a toddler because you don't buy him goodies.

Tell him that your anniversary is cancelled until he gets a fucking grip of himself, stops being a dick and apologises for what a wanker he's been to you.

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 20:23:41

Fetchez I mean smile

Coconutty Fri 30-Aug-13 20:23:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sarahlundismyhero Fri 30-Aug-13 20:22:41

Fetches- yes he is a child when he argues- he is a child when he plays with the ds, so that's good, but this is the flip side I guess

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