How do you solve being bored? Need help to get the excitement back.

[ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts]

DH and I have been together seven years, two dc (5 & 2).

I'm so bored. My life is so boring. DH is just boring.

We do nothing together. At the minute we don't/can't even have a conversation with each other. We have nothing in common. Sex is almost non existent.

I feel like I need more from him but I don't know what exactly I want. I'm just so confused.

He is a great guy. He's a bit rubbish at communication and can be childish at times but he isn't abusive or mean or anything. He treats me very well, he's sensible with finances, great dad blah blah but I don't find him fun. There's no spark there any more.

We have no friends or family that can have DC so we can go out for 'us' time and even if we did we'd have nothing to talk about other than the kids.

What can I do to improve things?

[gamerchick]

my favorite thing is to go back to dating. Yanno, meet up separately, get all dressed up and whatnot and get to know each other all over again. No shop talk at all when out.

Or get an xbox and learn a game together (I admit I may see xbox as a solution to a lot of issues though.)

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow]

Why can't you get a babysitter and go out?

[ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts]

I wouldn't want someone looking after the kids who the kids didn't know because the youngest still doesn't sleep through and I'd spend the whole time worrying.

We have a ps3... he's on it too much. bit of a touchy subject. i think he's on it too much. so im always complaining he's on it and we don't do anything together. i don't find it remotely interesting enough to offer to play with him.

What happens if you go down the date route and find you don't actually have anything to talk about?

[gamerchick]

well you just pretend that it's the first time you've met and ask questions about each other. It can be fun.

Yeah i'm with you.. playstations suck.

Have you asked him if he has any suggestions.. maybe he finds you boring, hence the playstation overuse. If you're in a rut then it's going to take both of you to sort out.

[misskatamari]

Do you have any hobbies or interests of your own? If not could you find something you are interested in and do that? It could be anything. I found when I left Uni and got a job and was starting to get settled that I had no hobbies at all and actually thought I had ended up pretty boring. I decided to learn I bake, discovered I loved it and have since gotten into loads of different crafts which I love. Try to find something creative you enjoy and make time for yourself to do that so you aren't as bored.

In terms of you an DH - you both need to make an effort to do things together! I would really recommend a babysitter - even if just for early evening to give you a few hours to go and watch a film and have a meal together (instant talking point after the movie!). Or have a date night at home - get a take away, switch the tv, have some wine and sit and chat. Play a board game together (I recommend pandemic - the most amazing cooperative board game that exists but as you are probably guessing I'm a bit of a nerd!). I also like the ps3 idea - I know you hate him being on it but I'm sure you could have loads of fun playing something like soul caliber together (you could kick his arse - girls always beat boys in it!).

Also - do you do trips out as a family? That would be a lovely bonding experience. It can be as simple as going to the park to feed the ducks/going to watch planes at the airport/going to a petting zoo or even doing some fun creative activity at home with the kids as a family (finger painting etc).

The most important thing is not to give up. You have young children, you are no doubt both knackered a lot of the time and it is soooo easy to get stuck in the rut of day to day living. Whats important is you have recognised it and you want things to change. You can make those changes. You may worry you won't have things to talk about but try not to let that bother you - if all else fails start by reminiscing about past experiences and you will soon remember why you are together and be on track to getting back to the relationship you want.

[Dahlen]

It won't be an immediate solution, but I really recommend finding a babysitter you can introduce to the DC, build up a bond with and use in the future to reclaim your social life. Lots and lots of parents end up in your situation - as did I - but a reliable babysitter makes life so much better, and everything else follows.

I think you need to take a two-pronged approach. The first (which you can do straight away while you find and introduce the babysitter) is to use each other as babysitters and start doing at least one thing per week that is exclusively for you. This will give you something other than the house/DC to talk about and will start making you more interesting to each other.

THe second is to start doing things as a couple and as a family. The suggestions made by misskatamari are great. I'd also try a new hobby that is completely new to both of you and which you'd both find fun to do together.

Unlike the other posters, I wouldn't recommend joining him on his PS3 until you've made a good start on rebuilding the sense of fun. If you do it too soon, I think you'll seethe with resentment that it seems to be you making all the effort to do what he enjoys, and there is always the danger that he'll play with it even more (ignoring you) because he perceives your interest as approval.

When you've recaptured the spark a little, you can move on to the bedroom, but I suspect if you did that too soon it would feel a little forced. Something to look forward to though.

Lastly, I'd sit down and tell your DH that this is what you want to do, rather than trying to orchestrate it all into happening naturally. You'll need him on board if it's going to work. As long as you phrase this as "we've got into a rut and I want to change it before it becomes a habit" rather than "you are boring and I am going out of my head with boredom" I think he'll probably be more than willing to co-operate.

Good luck.