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Can I fall in love with my husband again?

(32 Posts)
MaryRose Tue 09-Jul-13 10:33:00

We've been married 6 years, together 8, I've known him since I was 14 and he is quite literally the love of my life and my best friend. He's a good man and a good father, but......recently I just don't feel the same way about him as I always did. I have no idea why. It's not that we argue a lot or anything like that, I just feel kind of indifferent to him and it's making me really sad. We still have sex and everything and it's still fine but we both work such long hours and have so much to do with the kids and everything, I don't know if this is just a patch or something more permanent. I can't get excited about being with him the way I used to. He has put on a lot of weight and I don't know if it's that I don't fancy him as much as I did.

To make things worse recently I've been having feelings for someone I work with who is a close friend of us both. I would never ever act on this but I can't help how I feel. I just want these feelings to go away and to love my husband like I used to, but I don't know how confused

MaryRose Wed 10-Jul-13 11:29:26

Cogito it was just a figure of speech grin but bring a working mum and therefore a natural strategist I like the idea of goals and strategies and I'm going to give some thought to that one

MaryRose Wed 10-Jul-13 11:29:45


yamsareyammy Wed 10-Jul-13 18:56:16

Good posts. I would add beware of a boss, employee relationship. For the first time on a thread, I want scottishmummy on here!
She said something on a thread a little like this, about a month ago. Cant remember exactly what she said now.
Something about a boss taking advantage of his position, or something like that.
I may see if I can find the thread.

MysteriousHamster Wed 10-Jul-13 19:05:25

I totally agree with Samu's post. Are you only feeling dissatisfaction because of the crush? You need to squash it, or recognise it for what it is.

TDada Wed 10-Jul-13 20:17:01

start playing tennis, squash, jogging, walking with your DH as a couple

SawofftheOW Thu 11-Jul-13 18:07:46

OP, dissatisfaction with your marriage and emotional affairs with work colleagues are the oldest recipe in the book for a slide down into a full-blown affair. My DH started his affair in this way -we had gone through a rough patch caused by financial and work problems, and he began by telling himself he would NEVER be unfaithful to me but found 'her' , a work colleague, alluring, interesting, always sparkly, always attentive, laughing in all the right places. And she of course made sure she looked better and better for him each day. I, of course, was the familiar, the safe, the predictable - no longer 'exciting'. M&S big pants rather than g-strings. Her H told me after it all came out that he began realising something had changed in their marriage when she started wearing contact lenses rather than her specs to work, buying new perfume, wearing more fashionable and tighter clothes etc. You must, must, must walk away from this burgeoning relationship even if you feel that at the moment that it is just a distraction and something that makes you feel 'alive'. Read Andrew Marshall's book, 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' - also available on Kindle. Lots of libraries stock it. It brilliantly deals with the situation you are in and also very clearly sets out the stages of separation emotionally from a DH or DW and the entry into the 'bubble world' that is an affair. Shirley Glass's 'Not Just Friends' is also sensationally accurate about this situation and both books give you lots of tips on rebuilding and reenergising your relationship with your DH. Believe me, having gone to hell and back over the last 2.5 years since I discovered my DH's affair, and going through all the trauma of his initial vaccilation whether he would stay or go; seeing the heartbreak of our beloved DC and suffering severe depression as we battled to repair the horrific damage inflicted on our marriage, I urge you to listen to all those on here who tell you 'beware'. DH and I are slowly getting back on track but it has been the most traumatic event of our lives and he too has suffered greatly with guilt about the impact on his family, to the point of illness himself. Our mutual trauma was added to by the OW being determined that she WOULD have her prize and went to very great lengths to try and prise him from me and our DC. When that failed she systematically set about destroying his career and mine by false allegations. I'm not saying that could happen to you, but then my DH never dreamt for a moment that the alluring, captivating, 'nice' woman he became involved with would ever do it either. Good luck and do try the books - you will recognise yourself and your current situation in so much of what is written.

MaryRose Thu 11-Jul-13 21:52:50

What a great post SawoftheOW (love the user name too) made me think.I will look up the books thank you and much love and luck to you in rebuilding your marriage xx

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