Anyone gone none contact with an abusive parent and miss their good side?

[YourHandInMyHand]

Just to be clear, I have no plans to restart any sort of contact but I struggle sometimes with not having a father in my life.

My dad is an alcoholic, abusive paedophile. He abused me, he used to take my on scary drives with loud music playing and him swerving about on country roads. After my parents split he would turn up late to pick us up or not at all. He would give us alcopops like they were fizzy drinks.

He also instilled me with a love of music, art, food. He took us out exploring forests, rock pools, caves. He taught me to spell. He introduced me to the Tolkien books and Spike Milligan. He was always ready to sort out problems or just listen. We would dig for antique bottles. He taught me to be open minded about people and not discriminate.

He was like Jekyl and Hyde I guess.

I find it extremely hard at times to put the two personalities together into the one person. I haven't seen or spoken to him for 12 years and I feel proud and sad all at once.

Anyone else in the same kind of situation?

[MissMarplesBloomers]

It must be so hard, the nice, and the nasty all in one conflicting bundle.

I guess we all have different facets of our personalities, just some people have darker nastier facets that spoil the nicer elements and destroy themselves and any relationships they have.

Have you had a chat to anyone about it? You are grieving I guess in a way, for the relationship you wanted to have with your Dad, the positive bits without the abusive ones. Angry to I imagine at his actions that stole part of your childhood.

Offload here ifit helps.

it is so difficult.

[YourHandInMyHand]

Yep I guess I am grieving the good stuff. I'd have thought I'd have made peace with it by now I guess.

I find it hard too that I can't talk much about him. It's all too muddled together and raw. I will hear a song we both liked and smile, then get sad and angry about everything.

I also don't want my son knowing too much as he has special needs and would go off with absolutely anyone, he is so vulnerable. (I have seen my dad drive by us both extremely slowly as I walked my son to school so I have reason to be cautious).

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Mnnnn seeing your Dad drive past must be worrying, do the school know just in case he tries to approach your son? I'm sure they wouldn't let him go with your Dad especially as he doesn't know its his GD but with his record he shouldn't be anywhere near children.

Your mixed up emotions sound very understandable and totally normal given your history.

Was your Dad convicted of abuse? Would it help to talk to the police if not?

[YourHandInMyHand]

Yeah school know and thanks to DS's other escapades the school is like fort knox.

Yes my dad was convicted but no custodial sentence.