I have been seeing my bf for 18m.
Passionate very loving very happy but sadly often unhappy relationship. This is due to mainly his past, which involves a messy prolonged split from his ex and his pain in not seeing his kids all the time.
He drinks to manage depression. He works every hour possible, seeing his kids every other weekend but working the 12 days straight in between. He has to do this.
6 months ago we committed to try properly and very slowly integrated our family lives (we both have 2 kids each aged between 4 and 12)
He stayed with me recently for a few weeks (work being done) to start with it was really great but his cycles of depression and drinking (staying up all hours, loss of interest in sex :-() became apparent.
Last week he was able to move home again but did so after a row where I pointed out the above issues.... I have tiptoed around things before to avoid this reaction.. He has completely regressed and withdrawn from me, saying he has let me down, and just feels too anxious to be in a relationship. He's unhappy all the time. Concedes happy moments are with me. But won't let me in.
I am bereft, my kids miss him, my whole world has caved in. Deep down I wonder am I strong enough to support him through this? I want to be but I have emotional needs, I'm not sure I'm strong enough..
He is also trying to sort out his communication and relationship with his ex so that they can speak and therefore parent together better, abd lay some stuff to rest. I encourage that and openly have supported it.
I feel I have been going round in circles for 18m. My gut says support him, be strong but also really questions whether I could live like that, with the fear of returning depression ....
How can I get him to see he needs professional help? When he talks to me that is!!!
I'm so torn, the roller coaster has been so prolonged and tortuous that I don't know what I want anymore but my sense of right and wrong means I struggle to just abandon him. I love the bones of him and am really fond of his kids (who I first met over a year ago). He says he loves me. It's been a week, he won't talk but still texts if I keep it non emotional and tells me where he's at with regards to meeting his ex to try talk. Big thing that.
We've shared so much...
Please, if you understand depression advise me what to do. Thank you.
I have just caved in and texted to say I can't cope without answers. Now I worry, no reply.. He's very low I need to find the strength to give him some proper space..
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Relationships
I love him, but am I strong enough? I think its depression... Please help..
17 replies
dippyeggs · 20/06/2013 14:09
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