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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I like this new guy but not sure if I fancy him.

24 replies

superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2013 20:01

My normal 'type' is naturally buff but that dosn't mean that they are good guys.
I have been on a two dates with a guy and he is not my usual buff type, a little bit geeky but I like his sense of humour. We have lovely conversations and yet I am not dying to rip off his clothes.
Shall I carry on or find someone who I meediately want to get jiggy with? My feeling is that an attraction may grow. My ex wasn't my normal buff type but I fell in love with him anyway.
Last year I met an amazingly buff man with whom I had an intense connection with but he lived abroad (holiday romance) so nothing came of it. I would like to see the new man again...ceratinly for company. hmmmm.

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superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2013 20:01

immediately

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Mollydoggerson · 15/06/2013 20:04

if there is no sexual attraction then maybe he could be a good friend without anything more??

FreakoidOrganisoid · 15/06/2013 20:09

I wasnt sure I fancied my boyfriend to begin with but we got on really well and he was really nice so I kept seeing him. Somewhere around date 4 or 5 it clicked. 18 months later and I am so glad I didn't just dismiss him, I couldn't be with anyone better

superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2013 20:10

That's the sense I get. I think he likes me though as he asked me on another date. Not sure if that would be leading him on. I have a few male friends who are 'just good friends' but who have an agenda to get in my knickers and it makes it awkward.

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superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2013 20:11

That's a lovely story Freakoid. I felt that about my ex and I was later head over heels. The trouble is I kept staring at hotties in the pub where we were eating but then there is something I like about this one. His humour is intelligent. I like.

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Mumsyblouse · 15/06/2013 20:15

I wouldn't write him off if you don't find him repulsive- that sounds a bit odd but what I mean is that if you really don't fancy him, just don't go there, but if you think he looks nice and he's a maybe, then I would date a few times, see if the attraction grows a bit, and crucially, you may have to kiss him to find out (some people smell right and some don't and you have to get quite close to know this!)

But, after that if you don't fancy him or the sex isn't right, do move on. Having a sexual spark is incredibly important in a long-term relationship (or it is to me anyway) and often keeps you going when other things are strained, I also can't believe how many women on here have married the 'nice' guy, had kids and then don't want to have sex with them/don't fancy them, and in discussion, they never really had it that much to start with. Often they say they thought being good friends was enough/made me feel safe- I don't think that is enough myself.

hersheys123 · 15/06/2013 20:16

He deserves better than someone so shallow tbh.

pictish · 15/06/2013 20:17

Leave him alone, and go and find someone buff enough for you.

superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2013 20:29

Oh come on hersheys...that's a bit harsh. I am not that shallow and I do like him which is why I am going to carry on. When I was younger I went for typically good looking men and they were often idiots. I am growing up (slowly) It's just not an instant 'wow!' and I'm not sure if that is good or bad.

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StuffezLaYoni · 15/06/2013 20:30

What is this "buff" and is it a quality you could base a long and meaningful relationship on?

hersheys123 · 15/06/2013 20:40

Its not really, imagine the following :

I went on a date with a smart girl although she has small tits. I liked her but spent most of the date ogling girls with big tits at the bar. I do like the smart girl but I don't know if she'll be enough for me.

What reaction would that get? You are the female version of that bloke.

superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2013 20:41

I suppose 'buff' means 'fit', toned or typically good looking. For example this one is a bit more skinny than I would normally go for but then again my ex had a rubbish bum, zits and no muscle tone (shallow) but I still fancied the pants off him because there was a spark and he had the most amaaaaaaaaaazing smile and a sexy voice so I could look past the other stuff..

This one also dodn't hav ea sexy voice but a very sharp with and sense of humour which I love!

Not that I'm one to talk with my ultra fine hair, mummy tummy, large size 12 figure and shit, shallow personality!

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superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2013 20:42

hersheys; my tits are HUGE!
I know what you mean though but I can't help looking! He was lovely.

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pictish · 15/06/2013 20:44

You sound very young.

TallyGrenshall · 15/06/2013 20:45

You couldn't even give him your full attention when you were on a date with him and instead sat there eyeing up 'hotties'

Sounds pretty shallow to me

moolamoo · 15/06/2013 20:51

How old are you? I'm guessing late teens early twenties, am I right?

Mollydoggerson · 15/06/2013 20:57

You sound very disrespectful of him, for his sake leave him alone.

superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2013 20:57

I wish. The date was in a trendy city. I never go to trendy cities. Oh well. Guess I'd better find someone equally shallow as me. I did give him lots of attention...I was just a bit unsure about the physical side and was comparing and contrasting. However the humour is very attractive.

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TallyGrenshall · 15/06/2013 21:06

It may be but it's not enough for you.

If it was, you wouldn't have been comparing him physically to 'hotties'

TallyGrenshall · 15/06/2013 21:11

I don't mean that like 'nothing will ever be good enough for you'

Just, his humour is not enough for you on it's own

superstarheartbreaker · 15/06/2013 21:30

True...I guess if I got my head turned on a date it's not a good sign. Lovely guy though. I'm confused.

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PosyNarker · 15/06/2013 22:09

I think some people are being unnecessarily harsh. I really fancied exDP (visually) but when we got together, it took effort and while I could see he was handsome, it didn't really work looking back.

Current DP of 10 years didn't register on my radar until we got talking. Once we kissed, I fancied the pants off him and I still love erm, kissing him etc. whereas with Mr Handsome, I was avoiding physical contact towards the end of our relationship.

So, if you like him give it a go (and stop thinking about what your DP should look like), but if nothing's going don't string the guy along.

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TallyGrenshall · 15/06/2013 22:13

It's a very, very bad sign, romance wise.

Just because he is a lovely guy does not mean you have to fancy him. You can be friends with him.

If you think that he would be trying to get into your pants all the time, then don't be friends.

Just don't string him along

retiredgoth2 · 15/06/2013 22:24

Attractiveness is like the football league.

There are some who are always at the top. Everyone agrees.

There is only any point in them playing each other.

Then there is a hinterland. Some get results in an unattractive way. Some seem stylish and honed- yet the statistics do not reflect this. People of different sorts admire both these attributes. That's ok.

Some of us are in the third division play offs.

There have been a few glorious cup victories in our history- but we always knew it wasn't going to last. We enjoyed it while it lasted..

So. In short. It is ok if you are Premier League to only fancy men in the same league. But. I fear an undertone- that it isn't just about physical attraction. I wonder (may be wrong!) if you prefer attractive short term to anything that may make demands long term. Just a thought..

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