Businesslike language spouted by exes

[themidwife]

Have noticed that exes & especially stbxhs seem to relish the overuse of ridiculous "businesslike" language in written communications (see now I'm doing it too!) Phrases like "aforementioned", "consolidation", without prejudice", "I am satisfied that", "With reference to" blah blah blah!

Any classics of this nature to share?

[MusicForTheMasses]

I had one yesterday! As per the script STBXH has suggested we get back together (when hell freezes over). Not due to love but to consolidate and be able to keep the FMH. Who couldn't resist an offer like that? Me!

[MusicForTheMasses]

I get lots of emails that make me feel like I'm a supplier rather than the mother of his kids!

[FennCara]

"I request that the children, whom have hitherto resided in the abode of FennCara, are granted access to I, their father, on a fifty percent chronological basis, beginning on the primary Saturday of May."

I corrected it and sent it back.

[themidwife]

Ha ha ha ha!

"I think you'll find that DD has always been (& is currently) satisfied with the contact arrangements as specified in the contact order issued by judge whoever on whatever date at whatever court" Snore!!

[themidwife]

This is 9 years after split when DD asks to see Daddy more often!

[AmberLeaf]

They usually do this after getting some 'advice' from someone with an internet degree in 'Fathers rights'

Long time ago now, but mine started with...'I'm exercising MY right to.....' followed by lots of 'big words' used in the wrong context.

Probably impressed his new girlfriend.

[blueballoon79]

" I will not be taking (DD) every Friday night as you asked of me but will collect her every other weekend as I consider that to be fair and reasonable"

He ended up not having her overnights at all as he spat the dummy and claimed it wasn't fair that he'd have to take care of his own child for one night a week as he needs his time off.

He's had the past four years off- what more does he want?

[Bogeyface]

Why are the ones who are least able to construct a sentence, the ones who are most likely to send "Hitherto whom" letters?! :o

[onefewernow]

This language is one counsellors recognise. At couple counselling it is something which presents regularly in problematic relationships between middle class couples. H was a lock in for it

[teaandthorazine]

Oh yes, xh often talks about 'managing ds's expectations', as if ds was an irritating corporate client rather than a 9-year-old who'd just like his dad to keep his promises...

[MrsSpagBol]

"They usually do this after getting some 'advice' from someone with an internet degree in 'Fathers rights'"

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

It's an attempt at 'legalese...' isn't it? Contrived, over-formal and mostly pompous wording designed to intimidate and create distance at the same time. 'The party of the first part hitherto known as 'the child'... ' and all that.

[WhiteBirdBlueSky]

"Should you reconsider your stance..."

Erm, no. I won't be changing my mind, thanks!

[themidwife]

Honestly - it's another script!!!

[pinkballetflats]

I have spoken with the CSA and the British courts and they have informed me that all I need is your written permission to take DC out of the country. Pertaining to a child maintenance.....blah blah blah.....

[superbagpuss]

as an aside, when me and now dh were getting together I had done something to upset him. many years later we can laugh over a letter I had sent apologising and saying we could have a good joint venture together

in my defense I was doing my degree in accounting at the time

[Bonsoir]

I think it's quite hard to move from an intimate relationship/casualspeak to a distanced joint parenting relationship.

[themidwife]

Yes but any need for heretofore & aforementioned & with due consideration?!

[Bonsoir]

No of course not, but it's just trial and error and trying to look as if they know what they are doing!

[KittyVonCatsworth]

I have actually done this when breaking out of an abusive situation (not obviously the case in this instance). It was a control thing for me. I am always in control at work, have a cool head and can make decisions. When I was put in a situation of being controlled, I'd use 'businesslike terminology' purely to regain control and get in the right mindset.

[bluebell8782]

I know what you mean..I was laughing to myself the other day about this exact thing.

My DSD's mum is always sending messages like that.. 'I shall inform DD that you shall be collecting her at so and so time and will be returning her blah blah blah..' So very formal..but I do agree it's a form of looking in control.. although as soon as she's pissed off about something that goes out the window and anthing goes!

[getlucky]

The thread title made me smile! Are these men aware they do this? Honestly it is laugh out loud funny. My ex does exactly the same and even starts his emails with: 'For the attention of .....' as if he has never met me in his life, let alone been married to, shared a bed with, had children with.

[getlucky]

I bet women never do this.

[Dahlen]

Oh dear. I wrote a letter to the X just like that when I suspended contact after he physically assaulted our son.

In my defence I did rewrite it in normal English once I realised it made me sound like a pompous twat.

I think in my case it was simply because if it sounded more serious, maybe it would be taken more seriously. And yes, I'll admit to wanting it to sound as though I'd had legal advice because that might scare him. In the end, however, I realised that none of that mattered. He assaulted our son - that's all the weightiness I needed and pointing that out could be done in simple, straightforward language.

I guess I'm confirming the fact that people who send these types of letters are doing it to intimidate.

[Bogeyface]

I have to agree with the person above who said that sometimes it can be difficult because the language you use indicates the type of relationship. So when a relationship is over, there is usually a change in language and that can sometimes go too far and end in pompous twat territory. I know I was guilty of that when ex and I split up, as I was keen to be common sense and business like in order to appear sensible. It took a while for us to come to a way of communicating that didnt make one or the other of us appear an arsehole, or put the others back up!

That said, some of these "Hitherto whom" letters are purely twattish people trying to control an ex by suggesting that they are cleverer or better informed than the ex.