Preparing for my Divorce

[CharlotteJulie]

I am 24 and have been married for 6 years. I have a seven year old son.
My marriage started to go downhill when my husband joined the gym five years ago money went on steroids and his food it didn't matter about me and my son. He expected my to cook and clean and still till I left he did, even though I was ill and I am awaiting an operation. He would throw and break my things during rows and often threatened to kill me if I ever left him. He would put my off before job interviews telling me if it failed it was my fault if we lost our home. I couldn't take it anymore and on our 6 year anniversary on the 19th of may I had an MRI and he wouldn't attend, that was the final straw. I was so scared to tell him I was going to leave as I was feared his threats to kill were real so on the 23rd I went to a womens refuge with my son and have recently moved back in with my parents. I no longer love my husband and even though he says he's changed and keeps begging me not to divorce him (I am meeting with my solicitor tommorow) I know I need to be free of him. I know I am doing the right thing as I deserve someone who would never treat me the way he has treated me. He keeps telling me I have wrecked the family and that is one thing that plays on my mind at night.
I suppose I could do with someone to talk to, anyone who has gone through similiar situations.

[SlumberingDormouse]

I haven't been through the same but didn't want to read and run. I just want to say that I think you are being incredibly strong and ARE doing the right thing for you and your child. Best of luck x

[pinkpeony]

Well done for leaving him. That must have taken a lot of courage from you, and you have done the right thing. You have not wrecked the family, he wrecked it by being emotionally and physically abusive. You have done what is best for you and your son to remove him from an abusive and violent home environment. It is really best for your son not to grow up with such behaviour as a role model, and for a child to even witness domestic violence is very traumatising. Abusive men do not change that quickly, so please don't believe it when he tells you that he's sorry and he's changed now, he is just trying to woo you back and then he would continue with the same abusive behaviour. You are taking the right step to see a solicitor tomorrow. Well done for doing the best for your son and for yourself.

[DiamondDoris]

Your are doing the right thing and you haven't wrecked the family - he did. Please don't change your mind. Look after yourself and your DS.

[DiamondDoris]

*you are

[SlumberingDormouse]

'Abusive men do not change that quickly' - I couldn't agree more. People just don't change that much. My mum dated (very briefly, thankfully) an ex and he was just as emotionally abusive and spiteful as he had been before. If anything, he was worse.

[CharlotteJulie]

Thank you for all your responses. :-)

[Beckamaw]

Holds OP's hand.
Been there. Especially regarding the blame game. It can be hard to see the wood for the trees, can't it?
It's an incredible irony that a man who feels no remorse for treating YOU like crap, attempts to play on your guilt for leaving him.
I always remember the repeated use of 'Can't you see what you've done'?

The outcome? I'm finally happy, finally divorced and have a third DC with a wonderful man.

If you need to rant, I'll always listen.

[CharlotteJulie]

Thanks Beckamaw it's the guilt game at the minute. I know leaving him is what I need and want but I can't help lying awake at night feeling like it's all my fault although deep down i know it's not. I mean I deserve someone who would never treat me the way he has although I'm not convinced he's out there :-)