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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is this disrespectful, or am I being over-senstitive?

27 replies

RiotsNotDiets · 18/05/2013 11:07

ExH and I have only been separated a couple of months and he's had a new gf for over half of that time

He's just come over to pick up DD and showed me his shit new tattoo. The tattoo is on his back, which was covered in raw scratches, clearly a souvenir of recent shagging.

He must have known that they were there, and he didn't need to show me his tattoo, I just feel like he's trying to shove his new relationship down my neck.

It's not that I want him back, he was a crappy husband and I deserve and want a lot better for myself, but I can't help feeling a bit hurt that he's moved on so quickly and is rubbing it in my face like this.

What do you think? Am I being a bit over sensitive?

OP posts:

Report

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 18/05/2013 11:09

Where was he when he removed his t shirt?

RiotsNotDiets · 18/05/2013 11:10

In my living room.

OP posts:

TurnipCake · 18/05/2013 11:11

Having a rebound relationship in a whisper of time after a split does not in any way mean he has moved on, some people need a stepping stone. The fact that he has to show you his shagging badges of honour should indicate that.

It's disrespectful, but more to him and his new girlfriend, you're respecting yourself by acknowledging the past and moving on :)

Shesparkles · 18/05/2013 11:11

You're. Not being oversensitive, he's not being disrespectful.

He's being a arse and your feelings are entirely normal. How insecure must he be to have to have to show off like that in front of you? Try to focus on that instead if what he's actually shown you x

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 18/05/2013 11:12

Two words and two words only

Doorstep Handovers

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning · 18/05/2013 11:13

Very disrespectful, not sure why he would want you to see that unless he is looking to make you jealous.

SgtTJCalhoun · 18/05/2013 11:15

What A Tool!

Yes he is obviously showing his recent shagging like an insecure teenager.

I'd probably say "crikey, you're looking a bit chunky these says!" when he takes his shirt off. True or not it would make me feel better.

SgtTJCalhoun · 18/05/2013 11:15

Days not says

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/05/2013 11:15

I'm with NotSuchASmugMarriedNow.... don't let him in your house again. It could have been malicious or it could have been thoughtless but someone removing his shirt is pretty offensive all by itself....

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 18/05/2013 11:15

lol at SgtRJCalhoun !!!!!

RiotsNotDiets · 18/05/2013 11:17

DD is only 2 and is quite clingy at handover times so we tend to have a small adjustment period where he comes in and we make small talk for a bit. It seems to help her, plus I think it's good to give her the impression that we get on. So I can't really do doorstep handovers.

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TurnipCake · 18/05/2013 11:17

And to echo the others, he does not need to come into your house.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/05/2013 11:28

What helps your DD is having a happy, relaxed, confident mum... If that means not letting the ex in the house to show off his tatts then don't let him in the house. She's not going to pick anything up negative from that.

RiotsNotDiets · 18/05/2013 11:36

Good point Cogito BTW I grimaced too!
The tattoo is really bad and has DD's birthdate on it which made me laugh, number one, he wasn't even there for the birth (it was 'too much' for him) and since we've split he's been turning up late to pick up DD (once over three hours late because he was hungover) and has been putting socialising with GF before DD, for example when she was ill he said he's come over after work to check in on her, but then changed his mind saying had to work late, but I know from a mutual friend that actually he decided he'd rather go to pub with GF. It's as if a poxy tattoo is supposed to prove what a great dad he is

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springymater · 18/05/2013 11:42

You're not being oversensitive. But he is being a tool.

How deeply embarrassing to show you his shagging conquests. urgh urgh urgh. No wonder you left him.

It hurts, mind. It hurt the day my ex married again. Ridiculous, because she couldn't have been more welcome to him (from the very bottom of my heart). Something about being left behind, replaced...

ImperialBlether · 18/05/2013 11:43

You should have said, "Oh for god's sake, put your shirt back on. It was bad enough seeing you without it on when we were together. The last thing I want to do is to see it now. Oh and by the way, you've got the date wrong."

OK he hasn't, but it'll take him a while to figure it out if the date's on his back!

RiotsNotDiets · 18/05/2013 11:43

That sounds a bit he said, she said doesn't it? Sorry, I've been trying really hard not to slag him off in RL, feels quite good to let myself be negative on here!

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RiotsNotDiets · 18/05/2013 11:50

Haha, I wish I had Imperial!

YY springy it's hard to put my finger on why it bothers me, because I am so glad to be rid of him

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simplesusan · 18/05/2013 18:21

I second the doorstep handovers.

You really do not have to have this twat in your house-ever.

Remind yourselve that you have had such a lucky escape.
Keep him well and truely out .

Raaraathenoisybaby · 18/05/2013 18:53

He is a massive twat but try not to rise to it. Recent sex isn't some kind of point scoring achievement. I wonder if he told the new gf that he accidentally on purpose showed the scratches to you? If a bloke did that with me is think he had issues!

RiotsNotDiets · 18/05/2013 19:08

I didn't say anything, I'm v polite and civil to him for DD's sake. I think this might be why he's still taking the piss in a multitude of ways. I'm so stressed atm with getting all my uni work done before summer that I just don't have the time to deal with his shit. I must remind myself to set some clear boundaries once I have the mental space to deal with him.

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ChippingInIsMissingHerLatte · 18/05/2013 19:12

It hurts to be so easily 'replaced' even if you don't want them back - it's normal, human nature :)

It does sound like he's a complete tool that you are better off without

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GoingUpInTheWorld · 18/05/2013 20:49

What a prick.

Hes acting like a teenager. When you are ready to meet someone new, kindly tell your ex that you have met a real man!

That will piss him off

RiotsNotDiets · 18/05/2013 21:37

Urgh going I don't think I'll ever be ready for another one!

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Ledkr · 18/05/2013 21:44

Ha ha my ex had dds name on his arm after we split. The name if the dd he left me to bring up alone from 8 months and who he never once fed or changed.
Hilarious.
When he shipped me I rolled my eyes and said "ironic"

Flip

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