I'm in an EA marriage and recently tried to end it, only to be sucked back in 3 weeks later. That was six weeks ago, and I've got my clarity back and see that he isn't changing and is as controlling and manipulative as ever.
He's not aggressive at all, but he is narcissistic and manipulative.
He tells me I'm selfish if I think of myself at all;
if he wants sex he will nag and whinge till I give in (actually he uses that tactic for other things, too);
he repeatedly dismisses my feelings and my perspective;
he was horrified when I tried to leave him that he had hurt me so much and behaved so badly... but that has now been downgraded so far that he thinks the problems were as much my fault if not more (my bad communication)
he is controlling
he used to put me down a lot and be very critical - but he's not doing this at the moment - this is the one area in which he's changed; quite illuminating to see how easy it is for him not to do this when he wants to!
I'm pretty sure he "does" gaslighting regularly - or perhaps as a narcissist he just rewrites history so he really believes what he says?
Anyway, that's just a brief introduction to him. I'm convinced again that I need to leave. Question is how do I go about it? He's been away on a work trip and is back tomorrow. I can't be arsed to pretend that I'm happy to see him back, when actually I've been in denial about his return! And we have our anniversary very soon, which he will see as an opportunity to be loudly celebratory about our reunion while cosily forgetting all that went before it.
Otoh, I'm a bit nervous about starting the process again, what with the loud wailing and blank incomprehension that greeted me last time. I'm also scared about letting the dcs know, as they knew last time regretfully and it's more instability for them (and I am so cross with myself for putting them through that more than they needed to iyswim).
Plus I feel I should be doing more first - talking to a solicitor (did that last time, seemed like I needed to talk more to h about finances and child contact and go to solicitor if it wasn't working), getting documents together (only he's not violent, so I'm not going to have to leave suddenly or anything), that sort of thing.
Any advice, anyone?
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Relationships
Should I LTB now or wait and plan?
CharlotteCollinsismovingon · 17/05/2013 23:10
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