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Terrified of being a single mum

(9 Posts)
TwoCrazyKids Sun 12-May-13 15:33:30

Dp and are going through a very bad patch, we seem to argue about the same things all the time (him spending too much time at football, his lack of resoect for me,his staying out all night with friends)

We had a big blow out two weeks ago and he promised it would change, he'd make an effort and see a councillor, of course this lasted a week and he's now back to his ways.

I don't think I can take any more but at the same time I'm terrified of the change.

I'm terrified of telling our two gorgeous dc, I'm terrified of how I'll cope as a single mum (financially, emotionally), I am a full time student and depend on dp financially.

I don't know if we should fight harder or have we fought enough to make it last....argghhh sorry I'm supposed to be studying for my exams next week and im just venting here smile

Sh1ney Sun 12-May-13 15:44:04

Being a single parent is relatively easy. Far simpler than fighting, arguing and living in an atmosphere that is disrespectful and where your OH believes it is the norm to spend all night out with his mates.

Your bigger issue is getting rid of the man child. Do that and the rest will fall into place. This time next year you'll wish you'd done it sooner.

enpointe Sun 12-May-13 15:51:50

Emotionally it's hugely enjoyable. Financially I am lucky enough to not have to worry really.

Whatwouldyousay Sun 12-May-13 15:58:28

It's not easy, but it's so much easier than being miserable in a relationship. And your DC are better off not witnessing the conflict (and they'll sense it even if they don't witness it).

goodenuffmum Sun 12-May-13 17:48:58

I was in the same situation as you almost 3 months ago, except he was staying out drinking. I too was terrified of the thought of going it alone, coping with everything myself....

But...almost instantly I felt calmer, less stressed and more relaxed even though I am grieving the end of my relationship.

I have 2 DS who have been amazing and as a family we have adapted.

I wish I had "given up" earlier, but I didn't have the strength to LTB. The best I could do was not stop him from leaving iykwim.

It is hard, I won't lie but it is better.

The worst point for me was when my 13 yr old DS told me that he heard his DF call me names and shout at me, but he hadn't wanted to tell me because he didn't want to stress me more sad

He recently told me that I am much happier and less stressed now smile

Take everyday as it comes and you will make the right decision for you and your DC

Good luck x

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Sun 12-May-13 18:02:37

Currently I'm a wee bit financially insecure, however that will be rectified in the coming weeks.

I am much much happier on my own though, and I'd rather have it this way than any other.

YoniBottsBumgina Sun 12-May-13 19:57:26

For me it was easier in all three ways. Financially, even though I was a student too, there were grants and loans and i was able to be in control of the money rather than sometimes being lavished on, others having to scrimp and being totally dependent on XP and whether he was feeling flush or stingy.

Practically, it was about the same because XP never really helped out with childcare anyway. With the added bonus that I didn't have anyone around to argue over methods or principles or tell me I was doing something wrong. It was a bit of a pain to organise childcare around uni but you can pick your class times to suit your childcare if you need to.

Emotionally was really the biggest change. Of course it's harder to cope on your own rather than having emotional support from someone else. But don't underestimate the effects that an unsupportive partner has on your emotional wellbeing. You probably feel worried about being alone because he has supported you on specific issues in the past, but it's the everyday lack of support that really chips away at you and you don't even realise it sad

goodenuffmum Sun 12-May-13 21:25:13

Interestingly, I am better off financially with just 1 salary in the home and am in the black for the first time in 3 years hmm

He's the one complaining of being broke despite earning 3/4 of what I do but without any of the outgoings (aside from the bare minimum CSA would have forced him to pay)

Go figure?

BeCool Sun 12-May-13 21:35:36

This is my 5th month as SP. - it is much much easier than I thought. Not having to face 50 shades of moody fucker/mr nice guy guessing games is marvellous.

Financially things are working out. I work FT and get a few tax credits towards childcare. Also single person discount on council tax.

My 2 DC are benefitting from calmer home life.

I thought ex did an even share if housework and that would be hard. Turns out he didn't and it wasn't grin

It is probably impossible to work out deep relationship issues unless both parties are engaged with and committed to the process. My Ex wasn't and eventually I just saw that nothing was going to change. That simplified my decision greatly.

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