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Recently got back together with dh. Found out he has been using sex phone lines. How would you feel about this?

(12 Posts)
Feelbetrayed Sun 12-May-13 06:29:05

We split up for a bit because life was pretty shit and we were at breaking point with each other.

Recently got back together and I thought we were making progress.

His mobile account is on the same account as mine, in my name. I get the emails through to say how much the bill will be each month. His was higher than normal so checked online to see if there had been a mistake and I found 2 txts to a sex line and one phone conversation.

I feel really betrayed by this and hurt. It feels like he has cheated even though he physically hasn't.

There is a history of this. A long time ago I found him doing similar.

I don't know how to talk him about it. I looked at his bill just to check costs but I think now he will feel I was snooping if I tell him that.

Whats the general opinion on phone sex lines? Is it considered cheating or something most people tolerate? I'm not sure I can tbh. I feel slightly sick, its been bugging me all night - hence not sleeping and being awake this early on a Sunday.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Sun 12-May-13 06:35:30

No, it's not something most people tolerate, but even if everyone else did, that most certainly does not mean you have to.

What made you decide to get back together with him?

Are you really sure that being single was worse than this gut-churning awfulness? Surely you were were shot of all this sort of horribleness when you were broken up? Is it really worth getting back together?

Oh, and so what if he says you were snooping? You know you weren't, and besides, what he's doing makes 'snooping' pale into comparison.

TWinklyLittleStar Sun 12-May-13 06:36:09

It doesn't matter whether other people are ok with it (although I wouldn't be) - the point is that you aren't, and presumably he knows this, as you said he's done it before.

Feelbetrayed Sun 12-May-13 06:41:00

He knows I wouldn't be happy with it. I think its disgusting tbh and I know that might make me sound like a prude. I don't get why he needs to do it.

Being alone was awful though tbh. I have no other family. My parents have passed away and I have no siblings. I know putting up with this is awful as well. I just thought we could try and work things out.

gut churning awfulness pretty much sums up how I'm feeling at the moment.

Feelbetrayed Sun 12-May-13 06:42:55

I just want a happy family. We have 2 young dc. I thought he did as well.

TWinklyLittleStar Sun 12-May-13 06:50:02

Someone with more wisdom than me will come along shortly I'm sure. However, he's going behind your back, using other women to get his kicks, doing something completely disrespectful that he knows will make you unhappy, at a time when most normal people will be working twice as hard to get their relationship on track... It's not good, and I'm sorry you're going through this.

Chubfuddler Sun 12-May-13 06:52:52

As others have said it doesn't matter whether other women are ok with it, you aren't, he knows it, and that makes his behaviour a massive betrayal.

Don't stay with him now because you feel you have to make good on having given it another shot. You don't. You can leave if you want (I would, in your shoes).

Leverette Sun 12-May-13 07:01:56

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Feelbetrayed Sun 12-May-13 16:11:08

I honestly don't know what to do.

LadyVoldemort Sun 12-May-13 16:18:59

How long were you apart for? Only you know whether this relationship is ever going to be a happy one or whether it'll always just be trying to be happy but never actually getting there.

Is it just this one thing that's making you doubt it all or is there more to it? Fwiw I wouldn't be happy about the sex lines. If we had split up with the view of getting together again after a short break then I'd find that a big breach of trust. If it was a clean break then you would be a bit unreasonable to hold it against him.

AnyFucker Sun 12-May-13 16:21:49

The fact he has history for the same thing and he went ahead and did it anyway, knowing it would hurt you

well? No wonder you had already been having problems in your relationship if this is his attitude towards you

I think you are trying to have something it isn't possible to have ...not with this misogynist loser, anyway

AnyFucker Sun 12-May-13 16:24:25

For some women, whether you were "on a break" or not, the fact this man views women in this way, would be the deal breaker for me

that was still family money he was spending on supporting the sex industry, even if he would not class it as physical cheating

it isn't "normal" to accept that in order to stay in a relationship

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