First post, and just testing for opinions, experience, and general wisdom! It could go in AIBU, but I suspect I am being unreasonable, and I'd like some advice rather than debate! Hope that's ok.
My father is just over 80, he & my mother divorced about 20 years ago. He'd never really been fully committed to family life (string of affairs I gather) & generally seems to prefer other families to his own. I love my father in that generally familial way, but I suspect I actually am quite e, and maybe despise him. There's a lot of resentment left from events in my late teens when it was clear he'd checked out of the family emotionally. Although he really tried -- he's just fairly emotionally UNintelligent; quite tactless and thick, in a very charming way (these upper-middle class public school boys learn the charm). Obviously, I'm really a middle-aged grown up, (and I shout at myself to BE that grown up!) but it doesn't feel like it in dealing with some family dynamics ...
Anyway, big family get-together coming up for my father's 80th birthday a big deal because several of us live continents apart. An email recently from my father outlining a trip he'd just done walking in mountains, so he's pretty fit for an 80 yo (indeed, he probably looks vaguely late middle-aged).
Huge case of mentionitis of some woman let's call her "Jane" I asked a sister of mine WTF is "Jane"? She told me it's a woman he's going about with who is younger than my sister (who's the baby and late 40s).
I find generally (feminazi hat on) that relationships with such huge age differences (ie 30 years) are a bit disgusting -- not the sex bit, but the power imbalance: the "man can't cope with a woman who's his equal" aspect. But this is my father.
If he brings her to the family gathering (which won't include my mother), how do I deal? I am inclined to laugh at my father, and ignore "Jane." Or be very English & upper middle class (she's not English, and comes from a culture with far more relaxed manners). But then the rational bit of me tells me that I'm a grown up, and this is petty behaviour not worthy of me.
Any advice? Or better still, anyone been in this situation from any angle? What did you do?
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Some advice about dealing with my father
8 replies
MarmiteNotVegemite · 11/05/2013 09:24
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