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tips quick! H wants to talk (gaslight!)

10 replies

evaeoin · 02/05/2013 17:54

Hi all
After months and months of sleeping apart and general not getting on and h chaning his moods like the weather. And me finding out that he didnt do the counselling he was supposed to do before he moved back in (after leaving for serious emotional and verbal abuse)..........sorry am rambling......

anyway after months of avoiding talking to me or walking off when i put things straight to him he just phoned to say he wants to talk this eve to get "a few things sorted out"

he has been talking about going abroad to work for 6 months and apparently he has been in touch with a company to arrange same.
so i wonder what he wants to talk about?

how should i behave. he is a lying sh*t who has wormed his way back into our lives with lies and the usual i;ve changed, super dad routine with intermittent slip ups. however i am very nervous about throwing him out again

help am in a right state now...............

OP posts:

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JaxTellerIsAllMine · 02/05/2013 17:56

I think I remember previous threads of yours. I would give same advice then as now. Let him go abroad, let him leave.

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evaeoin · 02/05/2013 18:06

i am going to encourage him to go abroad and am crossing everthing that he is serious about it and not just messing with my head.
he has said before that its just what we need to get things back on track (same man said a barring order would bring us closer!).
I want him gone but i doubt i will want him back. i doubt very much he will be faithful wherever he goes but i will be still here pretending that he is just gone away to work like so many others and not getting on with my life IYKWIM
I guess i shoul just encourage hiim to go and worry about the rest when he is gone?

OP posts:

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LoosMorals · 02/05/2013 18:36

If it were me I'd say "oh really"? if he presented me with the going away plan. Then I'd be honest and very clear that for me, the relationship just isn't working for me anymore. End of.

He can't gaslight you if you know you want out and you're telling him so.

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JaxTellerIsAllMine · 02/05/2013 18:37

What is worrying you OP? You will have your life back, you wont be abused. Those are a bonus in my book. You dont have to put up with this nonsense.

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LoosMorals · 02/05/2013 18:39

If it were me I'd say "oh really"? if he presented me with the going away plan. Then I'd be honest and very clear that for me, the relationship just isn't working for me anymore. End of. No going into the history, no rising to the bait, just the same message over and over.

He can't gaslight you if you know you want out and you're telling him so.

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LoosMorals · 02/05/2013 18:41

Oops posted too soon and then twice!!
Just goes to show I mean it.

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ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 02/05/2013 18:50

Ciao,Bella. Don't let the door hit you on the arse on your way out.

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Lovingfreedom · 02/05/2013 19:01

No point wasting breathe negotiating or discussing anything with a liar. Say as little as possible and let him go.

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Lweji · 02/05/2013 19:05

Try to seem worried and disappointed, it might encourage him.

If you seem keen on him going he may well reconsider.