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Need some thoughts(10 Posts)
Am a regular, but have name changed as a number of people on MN know me in RL. If you do twig who I am, please, please keep it to yourself. If you manage to read my essay, thank you.
Need some advice on how to deal with DH. This is going to be long, but please bear with me. I am also deliberately being a little vague.
DH and I run a business together and it is struggling following a very tough few years and some serious family issues on DH's side which meant the business lost a lot of money. DH has spent the last 4 years salvaging the business. The business is currently not profitable, although it breaks even and meets its financial obligations, as well as providing a living for DH and I. DH originally had the business, I joined it when we got married 4 years ago. His parents are very poor, mine are not - his parents have no savings and rent their house, my parents are, for want of a better word, loaded. (This is for context in relation to the situation, not any other reason).
Over the last 2 years, my father has bailed DH's business out with loans to ease cash flow. The loans have been duly paid back by DH on time, my father is happy to help. All good.
The business is now struggling again, due purely to cash-flow and the fact that it lost £85K last year due to circumstances beyond the control of anyone. (Not through mismanagement, IYSWIM). My father loaned the business £25K at the beginning of the year. Not an issue. However, after meeting our business advisor last week, we've just found out that we've miscalculated the cashflow and will need to find another £30K to keep going until we get paid at the end of the year. (Money comes in at specific times of the year). The bank "probably"won't let us have an overdraft, because current borrowing equals current assets and the loan ratio to assets is too high. (We haven't asked them however).
DH is stressed beyond belief. He refuses to talk about it, instead, ignoring the fact that we actually need to do something now, while we have money in the bank and are solvent. DH doesn't want to go to my DF again to ask for help with cash-flow (DF would happily help, even if he gave me a really hard time in private, he wouldn't give DH the same treatment because he likes and respects him as an equal) because DH is embarrassed that, as he put it, "he got the finances wrong when he asked last time". He also hates the idea of my DF bailing us out again, whereas I'm more laid back about it because I'm used to asking DF for money if I need it.
I am at a loss. DH is trying to solve the problem by working stupid hours (he throws himself into his work when he is stressed) and is constantly stressing about money. As I see it, if we actually sit down and work out what we need, then DF will help and we will manage to keep the cash flow going until the business gets paid for its product.
We had our first ever row about money earlier. DH is convinced that we'll be bankrupt by the end of the year, doesn't want to ask my DF for more help, because he thinks he'll say no, and we may not get paid for the product we produce (unlikely) and is generally in a miserable, grumpy mood because he's depressed at the situation. (Which is fair enough, he's allowed to be grumpy and stressed).
How the hell do I deal with DH? I don't actually know what to do. I am loathe to push DH asking my DF for more help, because I know how difficult it is for him, but I see it as a good, workable solution. I understand how he feels about it, he has said to me that he feels that he is inadequate because he can't stand on his own 2 feet, as he sees it. He is sticking his head in the sand regarding finances, so I am getting stressed constantly reminding him to chase up the people who do owe us money, to ease our cash-flow.
I think in your shoes, I'd go to my father privately and explain the situation. Explain DH miscalculated, that he's working all hours god sends to keep afloat, that he's proud and always pays back but is loathe to keep asking. Your father knows there's a recession on. You could ask him to consider advising the pair of you, if he is good with money, as to possible options. You could offer him a part share in the business. There are several possibilities, but if your dad is loaded and willing and your DH is a hard working man who has always paid his way in the past, then it's probable your father would rather help than let you suffer. he might find a way of offering without DH having to ask.
Not suggesting you go behind DH's back, but you also have the right to input into solutions for your business and to make decisions that will keep you afloat for a short period of time.
I would go behind his back, get it off your Dad and tell him that it's on your head not his. No point having your livelihood go tits up because of his male ego.
Ask your DF: her is bound to understand, and to respect DH who is working so hard. Good luck - you deserve it.
I hear this.
He is working hard to resolve things.
You want to ask your father.
Something2say - you are spot on with your assessment, except that regardless of how hard DH works at the moment, the cycle of payment into the business will not be any different and the cashflow will not change. Hence, me wanting to ask DF for help.
The nature of the business is such that inputs & costs go in at the beginning of the year, Outputs and payments come out at the end of the year, hence the cash-flow issue. There is nothing we can do to change it, either, because of the type of business. The irony is, that this year the business is going to break even (and perhaps make a small profit) IF we can resolve the cash-flow issue.
Why did your dad give you a 'hard time in private' last time? Is he genuinely happy to help?
I think I could go to him perhaps one more time, if you think he is ok about it, without consulting dh first as the other answers above say. But then would get some heavy talking going on, perhaps including your dad, about how to make the business work going forward, based on the current financial situation. One or two bail outs suggests you're still adapting to the recession, more and it suggests that the business isn't continuing to be viable. However loaded your parents, it's not a good way to manage a business.
Your planning isn't effective, no business can work on the basis of all the outputs at one end of the year and all income at the other unless you have significant cash on account.
Why not ask your father to invest in the business and pay him a dividend rather than asking for loans. That way you should have cash on account to see over the lean times and provide your father with an income.
Jayho - that's the problem. Because of the hit we took last year, the money that was going to be on account for this year for the cash-flow went. It genuinely wasn't down to mismanagement, but to the weather (arable farming) which meant we lost a huge number of crops and yields were right down.
Crocodillo in response to your question, my dad is "happy" to help, but he ALWAYS gives me a mega hard time, because that is the way he is. he likes me to know what a big sacrifice he's giving and just how much he's helping me out again etc, etc. In his eyes I've always been a bit of a faliure because I didn't aspire to what he wanted. Will continue this later. DH has just walked in.
To carry on, DF has always made it clear that I've let him down, because I supposedly "wasted my education" (I'm a teacher, rather than a brain surgeon for e.g.) and I made some decisions in the past that he didn't agree with, but were right for me, so "I went against him". I've long learned to live with it and not give a shit, but he still reverts to having a go at me occasionally and in the past he has said some really vicious things.
I know where DH is coming from and I really appreciate MN input - you've given me a few new ideas. Thank you.
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