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Dp has walked out of another job....again, im really, really scared.

(13 Posts)
queenpickles Fri 19-Apr-13 09:19:29

Before i begin i must say he is a wonderful person who over the years has helped me achieve my degree by working full time, so i dont mean to make him sound as if he is lazy and cant be bothered with work, its not that at all.

For 13 years he worked in a firm where he was bullied by the bosses, he put up woith so much abuse that eventually 1 boss turned most of the workforce against him to the point he was a happy go luck always confident person and reduced him to a crying wreck, he would come home, had no interest in anything apart from the x box, that was his escapism. Before this he had been an apprentice at a factory where he learnt his skills, again the foreman had bullied him to the point he could no longer go to work and left 3 months before his apprenticeship was completed - i dont know the full details but from what ive heard from his family he was literally on the brink of doing something stupid so it was best that he eleft the place.

So finally last year i fell pregnant, id just set up my own business and was absolutely terrified at the prospect of being a parent, he pulled me through it even with all this crap going on at work (most which he has still kept hidden), i had out lovely son in june and a month later he was basically forced out of work as they cut his hours down to 2 a week and said they no longer had that position vacant. He was destroyed.

He happened to bump into an old friend from this firm who had left many years ago who said he could get him into thie company he was with, without an interview he was offered the job through his experience alone, and he was picking himself up again while i struggled with slight post natal depression and not fomring a bond with the baby (he was in incubator for first few wks of his life with pneumonia so the bond took me a little longer) but since he begun this so called friend has been abusing him verbally to the point it cam to full blows this week and he was shouting at dp in front of everyone telling him he was a prick and started punching him, instead of hitting back dp walked up to the manager who was watching it all and said sorry i cant work here anymore and came home.

That was yesterday and i am really really scared, jobs are scarse and while im not saying he is the easiest person to work with (a perfectionistm so likes to take little more time getting this correct, which can be annoying to others) i think he could have handled this situation a lot better although put with his past of bullying in the workplace i can see it wasnt easy for him to be in that situation again.

I just dont even know what to do or where to start, we cant afford nursery fees so we both cant work at the same time, im thinking i may have to find a full time job which will be hard where we live, sorry this is an essay im just really scared and cant think what to do for the best so thought writing it out would help.

Cravingdairy Fri 19-Apr-13 09:34:11

So sorry you are going through this. I think your DP should go to the GP to discuss his mental well being.

I think you are right to consider working FT yourself. That way you will have more control over the family's financial health. It's hard but I do it myself and the peace of mind from having your own FT salary is valuable. Obviously there isn't much out there but I would start looking and applying for things - each job means one successful applicant and it could well be you.

In the mean time I would go and see Citizens Advice to ensure you are getting all the benefits you are entitled to, and work out what your outgoings are and where they can be cut back. If you think you might default on mortgage, rent, council tax or other major bills please talk to them first - Citizens Advice can help you with that.

If you have family and friends do ask them for help, whether it's babysitting or just listening on the phone.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 19-Apr-13 09:41:37

Your DP was right not to hit back and to walk away.

If the friend was fired from the firm, would your DP go back? Worth him calling to the manager to find out what's going on.

frazmum Fri 19-Apr-13 09:44:43

You mentioned you set up your own business - could he work with you on this together?

I've been subjected to bullying in the workplace and it is horrid - really affects your self esteem.

Lueji Fri 19-Apr-13 09:45:05

He should really make a formal complaint to the bosses.

Lueji Fri 19-Apr-13 09:46:55

On the other hand, that's what he told you.
Do you have any way to find out if that's what really happened?

MisForMumNotMaid Fri 19-Apr-13 09:48:54

It sounds to me like he's been constructively dismissed if the manager has seen physical and emotional abuse of your DP by a colleague and done nothing.

I think a phone call/ email to the manager/ HR department is necessary to say he feels he's been forced out by this situation. Regardless of whether he returns it possible could offer a holding position for the job whilst they investigate what happened and once your DP has had a few days away from the situation it may be easier to work out the best way forward.

In the mean time websites like entitledto may help you work out your short term cash flow. You can phone the benefits people and send for a claim pack. My (very limited) understanding is that way any claim made in the next couple of weeks will be backdated to today.

ouryve Fri 19-Apr-13 09:49:58

Never mind reporting to the boss, if he was assaulted he should go to the police.

Spandler Fri 19-Apr-13 09:52:49

So he's been bullied in 3 different jobs? I'd be trying to get to the bottom of things as it seems funny that it happens to him in every job he does

MiniTheMinx Fri 19-Apr-13 09:55:11

Your DP needs to get advice. If what you say is correct and the manager just stood there and watched while your DP was assaulted, then I think he has a case against the firm. Before he does this, it might make sense to make an appointment to speak to the manager or HR. The other employee who assaulted him should be sacked.

Maybe he could see the GP and get some help for low mood/self esteem

I wouldn't rush to find a full time job without asking yourself whether you would be happy to work and leave the care of your child to someone else, if you did work what sort of childcare would you ideally choose for your son? would that childcare be your DP? And what did you intend to do before this happened. If you intended to spend the first few years looking after your son full time, don't make a rash decision and then regret it later because sometimes people get stuck on a track. Your dp might start out thinking SAHP is a temporary solution but eventually come to a point where he can't face going back to work at all. Don't they say if you fall you should just get back up on the horse.

queenpickles Fri 19-Apr-13 10:19:57

Thank you all, i will look into the benefits thing this morning, Its a small firm he worked for only 5 employees and they just have 1 tiny little office with 1 person in it so nothing such as a hr department. 1 of the lads he gave a lift to each day came round last night to bring his bag that he had left behind and he said word for word what had happened so i know hes not lying. Hes not into making stories up anyway so i do believe him, but as spngler pointed out this is happeneing in every job, I dont think hes the best person to work with, as i said before he takes him time doing things right and when the other lads want to just slap things about and get off work early then it would be annoying to have omeone saying no hang on take your time...

I think its more to do with his self esteem that it keeps repeating itself, he sees the same patterns in each job and so worries it will happen again and goes on the defense so obviously gets peoples backs up and it does happen again. But this has gone too far now, to actually be hit for just going into work...

The man who did it is the bosses golden child, hes basically the foreman who tells everyone else what to do, but the others there just put up with him, they cant stand him and think hes aggressive which he is, but unfortunately dp wont just put up with someone doing that and would rather move on to find other work.

He is currently upstairs on the computer searching for training courses so he can go back and finish his apprenticeship and go back into that area of work as it would provide a better job and income for us, so bless him he is trying, its just a horrible hrrible thing that unfortunately keeps happening.

I dont particularly want to go to work full time and leave my child to be cared for by someone else, my business is dressmaking (so as good a dad he is, hes a crap with a needle and cotton), i set it up so i can work from home, work my own hours and thats even more important now that i have a child i can work around him, we both agreed to this when i became pregnant, he pays the mortgage, sky tv and his car and i pay the bills.

bigkidsdidit Fri 19-Apr-13 10:24:43

surely he needs to go to the police, if he was hit?

And talk to a solicitor / someone else about dismissal. He can't just walk out and let them get away with assaulting him at work?

hermioneweasley Fri 19-Apr-13 10:32:11

He should go to his GP and get signed off with work related stress. Then he calls his boss and explains what happens, that he walked off site out of fear for his safety and has been signed off with stress caused by the incident. He should be prepared to meet his boss at a neutral location to discuss the allegations and would presumably remain signed off until it is resolved.

If he was punched then presumably there are marks which you should photograph and also get the GP to document as evidence (in a small firm the boss might put pressure on the other staff to deny the incident )

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