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Toxic parents or just insensitive?

(3 Posts)
cappuccinodays Sun 14-Apr-13 17:04:21

Just wanted your opinions really.
I am single parent, live alone with ds.
I have just had quite a bad fall :-( Perhaps I am feeling sorry for myself but it really, I mean, really hurt :-(
Ive been quite depressed recently so not sure if this is my thinking, result of being sensitive..?
anyway, i wanted someone to tell. So I called my dad... not sure what i was looking for, but he didnt even ask if i was ok, I just got a sort of "telling off" like he was my boss, very business like..
Mum and dad divorced years ago, however this is typical of both of them, neither discuss feelings, show empathy or care.. neither are sensitive and I never feel heard..
if this had happened to my son, my first question would be "what happened, how are you, are you hurt, or do you want me to come" etc..
anyone elses parents like this?

redskynight Sun 14-Apr-13 17:28:20

I think some people are not able to separate how 'they would react to a situation' from how you feel and are trying to tell them, and they therefore project their own feelings on to you and get angry with you/can't cope when you surprisingly enough don't suddenly see enlightenment and agree with them or react a certain way. Particularly if you have been through a relationship breakup and feel vulnerable, depressed even. They just can't get it. I don't think it is toxic, but unhealthy yes and a bit selfish, and hard as it is you need to accept they can't be your emotional support even if you have no other at the moment. Doesn't mean they can't be there in other ways.

I hope you are feeling better from your fall. It is hard when you are ill and alone with children, and you are allowed to feel a little bit sorry for yourself.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 14-Apr-13 17:40:03

If neither of your parents have a track record of being particularly caring and sharing then it's a big ask to expect them to become so overnight. I wonder how you put it to him. Did you downplay how you felt or did you get very emotional? Did you ask him to help in some specific way or just vaguely hope he'd offer?

IME there is a type of person uncomfortable with handling emotions and who prefer to deal with the practical. Faced with an emotional situation they default to a 'brisk', cheery or business-like response that can seem insensitive. However, if you were to make a specific demand about what you'd like them to practically do for you, they are far more comfortable with that.

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