I'm so fed up, lonely, stressed and unhappy most of the time. I just wish everyone, except my friends and dc's, would disappear!
I'm a good person (maybe too much of a 'nice' person), would help anyone in need, good morals, hate confrontation and tolerate crap more than I should, and everyone just takes the p'ss! When I do speak out they twist everything and turn it back onto me and I end up believing that maybe I am the one in the wrong or needs help! I am surrounded by a toxic family and an angry controlling xh who is only nice when he wants something. I am physically and emotionally drained by these people and feel there is no escape until the dc's are old enough for me to no longer have to have contact with the asshole. I can limit my time with my family but even in a short space of time, they overload me with their negativity and toxicity and while I have to remain close to the xh for the dc's sake, there is no escape from them either.
I feel a burden on my friends (who wants to be around an unhappy negative person?) so I tend to have little contact with them and stay away. I try to be upbeat and happy when in their company but am a person who cannot hide how I am truly feeling.
I have been single for a long time because my xh is terrible with contact and lets the dc's down last minute, resulting in any chance of me 'dating' or having any free time being almost zero. Toxic family pick and choose when they help out too, so no joy there. Funds are low, so no babysitters and friends will only help out in emergencies. I would love to have someone in my life who can bring a bit of 'normality' into it, but the few dates I have had have also been 'controlling, insecure, desperados!'
I can't cope with any more controlling toxic people in my life. When I do get a break from these people, life is good and I have no complaints, but not sure I can survive a good few more years (dc's still young) in these people's company! I HATE my life with them in it and just don't know how to deal with them. They are dragging me down.
Any ideas for coping techniques please before I totally lose it and spread negativity onto my own dc's? Coping seems to be getting harder for me, instead of better over time, and I am concerned I will end up seriously ill or losing it big time! The meer thought of them brings on anxiety and panic attacks!! (I come across as a very strong person on the outside and can hold my own with most people but not with these particular individuals). I seem to take one step forward and ten back all the time. VERY
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Did I do something wrong to have these people in my life?
6 replies
whendoesthecrapend · 12/04/2013 21:50
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