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confused and upset. What is wrong with me?

4 replies

littlemissangrypants · 10/04/2013 18:33

I broke up with ex two years ago. He was abusive and the last five years together were hell. We have two children.
I have moved on and the kids were happy. Their dad looked after them a couple of days a week/weekend but I always had to pay babysitting money for this. They rarely stayed over with him as he didn't have space for them at his place.
So last week he mentions on facebook that he has met someone. This week she has moved in and the kids have met her. They think she is cool and so much more fun than me.
The ex now wants the kids to stay nights and I am really worried he will try to take them off me. He seems to be under the impression that my partner (who has a good job) would have to pay maintenance and he (the ex) has already told our boys that I only have them for the money and that i don't love them at all.
Not too sure what I'm trying to say but would like some advice on how to deal with this please. The kids are 12 and 13

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kinkyfuckery · 10/04/2013 18:37

Your children are old enough to be told - and hopefully understand - that sometimes adults manipulate other people into a way of thinking. All you can do with regards to what he is saying to the kids is assure them that is not the case.

Of course the gf is more fun that you - she doesn't have to be a parent! The novelty will soon wear off - for them and for her! I wonder who's suggestion it was for the kids to be around more, I bet she/he soon tires of that too!

Does he pay maintenance? You need to sort that ASAP, and absolutely STOP paying him to 'babysit' his own kids. That's ridiculous.

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littlemissangrypants · 10/04/2013 18:42

Thank you. Yes he pays maintenance but due to babysitting/food costs for the kids when they are with him I only really get £100 from him. I have always had to buy everything for the kids even when they are with him for the day. I also send them over with food too.
He spends all his money on cannabis and even has his dealer/best friend over when our children are there.
I guess i'm just bloddy fed up at having to be the boring grown up while he gets to be the fun one

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ThePinkOcelot · 10/04/2013 18:52

WTF?! You pay him to look after his own kids?! That is ridiculous.

I think I would sit them down and have a chat if I were you. The fun one, he sounds like a knacker to me! He shouldn't be smoking cannabis when they are around or having his dealer there when they are there as well!

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littlemissangrypants · 10/04/2013 18:59

It's always been like this. He was at home with the kids when they were babies. I went out to work and then had to come home to do washing and all that stuff. The kids were also locked in a play pen almost all day. He has always put cannabis above everything.
At one point he even pretended to have stopped smoking it and made out i was insane. I got to the point where I almost went to the doctor to get myself sectioned as I was so worried about my mental health.
We never had any money. I had just £40 a week for food, nappies and clothes for myself and the kids (even while i was working) and he still spent hundreds of pounds on himself. When he finally left I had nothing but debts and he paid so little. He just said as i get benefits it would be enough.
He has also told my youngest child that he can't afford to eat as I was taking all his money for myself. I have talked to the bigger one and shown him how much money i soend on them a week and he seems to understand.
I really don't think the ex will ever change and drugs or football or friends will always come first for him. He does however like torturing me with threats of having the kids taken off me as I'm such a psycho.