So to cut a long story short DH met OW last year abroad when on business ( funny business obv. though he claims only started relationship after I left in October they were obviously having some kind of EA prior to this at least) she lives 5000 miles away, they spent 2 weeks together ( 1 week new year 1 week March)
Now she is coming to spend summer here when her contract ends in april wants to introduce her to the children ( 8 and 14) 'in a few weeks' then ' she will stay elsewhere when the children are here for a time then later with her in his place.
Anyhow, AIBU to feel that he is rushing into introducing the DC's to someone he has essentially only spent 2 weeks with though may have been in relationship for a year with I guess? Do I have any say in the matter? Have spoken to DC's they say they don't want to meet her but he will think that's because I have made them say that.
I am thinking of sending an email expressing this opinion ( not that I think it will count for much)
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Introducing DC's to OW
overtheraenbow · 08/04/2013 10:02
Thats what I have told them and am going to tell him in this email. He will of course think have influenced this ( I haven't) but found out today ( since writing this she arrives this week and as they are with him next weekend wonder if this is his 'few weeks' ie last when he told me and this! I have said telling them then giving them no time to even get used to the idea of her existence will only dmage their relationship with him.
Louly you are right that he is thinking with a certain part of him, and it ain't his brain.
Also talking to PIL today he wants to introduce them all to her too ASAP( they aint too pleased either) and has invited his sister over next weekend. It's like he is so insecure in their relationship he is trying to involve her as quickly as he can ( his family are lovely , a whole lot lovlier than he has ever been) Like he is saying look at my family who are SO nice, therefore I must be too!! Insecure twat. Still I guess if you go out with women 15 years younger than you you are going to be a bit insecure!!
Made me laugh as I also found out she does the same job as me ( not the one he told me she did) I am also dark and small, she is just a younger mini-me !! 
its familiar territory I'm afraid and you may as well whistle in the wind to try and stop him doing it. It's all about legitimising their relationship. My ex did this too, even going as far as to pressure me to 'be her friend' because the children would benefit from it (one was still in utero at the time 
). It's all about getting as many people as possible, including your DC, to collude with him about how lovely she is and how justified he is in being with her. Despite all evidence to the contrary.
I'm sorry you have to experience this but I'm afraid if he's anything like my ex, he will have the delicacy of a juggernaut when dealing with his relationship. Try to encourage your kids to speak their minds, and be prepared to give lots of reassurance and cuddles and security to them when he blithely ignores their feelings. He will no doubt feel the need to tell you how marvellously the introduction went, regardless of how the kids report it back themselves.
Try to rise above it and be glad your PIL and his family aren't jumping on the OW bandwagon - your kids will need their support as well as things change.
this too shall pass x
the 'isn't she nice' campaign may run for a long time. My two DC are babies still really, 2yo and 9mo, and I get treated to a run down of what she's going to do with them most times he picks up our boys ("OW isn't in the car DS1, she's at home cooking for you" or conversely, "Don't worry DS1! OW is just in the car and you'll see her in a minute!") which can't possibly be for his benefit, as he's far too young to give a rats arse... (he actually made me chuckle a few weeks ago though when he looked at his dad like this and said, "but I don't want her in the car daddy.") It seems to me it's part of the performance where I have to listen along and appreciate what a joy and a blessing she is to their lives. Ugh.
Still, remind yourself it's a farce and this isn't happening to your family because of who you are. It's happened because of who your EX is and sooner or later OW will face the reality that she's with the nobber now. Their punishment will be their relationship, my dear!
I had this with my ex DP. He told the kids pretty much the week after they'd 'got together', although they'd been friends before that so my kids did know her as just 'a friend'. I thought it was far too soon and really struggled with it. I also struggled massively with my kids spending time with another woman, esp my DD (who's 8). Totally relate to 'Tiger Momma'. He also introduced her to his whole family which I found really difficult. (I still think of them as 'my' in-laws 
)
HOWEVER, they are still together (six months later) and I know now (and knew then) that it was NONE of my business. He's their father and unless I have real concerns about the children's welfare, I have to leave him to it and respect his wishes. That doesn't mean I was happy about it (far from it - had to stop drinking just to deal with it! 
. I don't know your circumstances, but when ex DP and I split it was pretty mutual and him meeting someone else was part of the territory. I've also tried to be nothing but positive about his GF even when I've felt eaten up with anxiety about it and I never ask them to report back to me.
I also know now that being too pally with the MIL isn't a good idea - blood is thicker than water, truly. Nor is trying to make him jealous. A year on and the only way forward for me and ex DP (and for my sanity) is to detach, detach, detach!
x
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