Getting so tired of people telling me that a good man will find a way into ny life

[duffybeatmetoit]

H keft 10 mths ago saying that our relationship had been a big mistake. He had effectively spent our short marriage trying to find someone else and aftera few false starts seems to have found someone. I really ieved we were right for each other and would be together for ever. So finding out the whole thing was a sham has destroyed my happy memories and confidence in my ability to judge people's characters has also gone.

People keep telling me that the right man will come along. I know they are trying to be kind but it's getting me down. For a start I have no interest in making the same mistake again and at 50 with a young child I'm not exactly top of the desirability charts. It's getting to the point where I will say something I will regret which is unfair when people are trying to be nice. If I just laugh it off or say I'm not going down that road again I just get the"you don't really mean it" sad look.

How do other people deal with this?

[WafflyVersatile]

I get stroppy and huffy, mostly! then sit mumbling to myself and getting wound up about it.

They are trying to be comforting, and their words come from a good place (vomit) try to remember that.

[Walkacrossthesand]

'Someone will come along when you least expect it' they say. Or 'you never know what's around the corner'. 'yeah, right' I think - me, who's been single for almost the whole of 18 years after exH left for OW (shortly after which cataclysmic event, an older friend said sagely 'you won't be alone for long'... yeah, right!! ) I think it makes them feel better to think that, but pointing that out just makes me sound bitter as opposed to realisticso I've never done so - just nod, smile, and get on with my life. Finding a new partner does seem to happen for most people, TBH, I think I'm the exception. My philosophy is that I can't control whether or not I meet someone special, but I can achieve being happy single, so that's what I'd better do, rather than spend my life wishing it were different....

[SanctiMOMious]

i know what u mean. i say calmly "id be so surprised". but im thinking yeh right nobody asked me out when i was 30 with no kids , so..... i wont hold my breath. it doesnt happen to everybody and half of it is just luck or timing. it doesnt mean you are different.

[duffybeatmetoit]

Walk - yes had all of those. It's the "you're so lovely - good man will appreciate you and be proud to be with you" (one I had this week) which really got to me.

[duffybeatmetoit]

Mind you this does tend to come from people with husbands and partners who don't see the advantages of being happily single. Perhaps I need to think in terms of it being their problem not mine and pitying them rather than them pitying me.

[KirstyWirsty]

I think it is people who think you are not a whole person when you are single .. That you need to have a man .. Who say this .. Apart from for sex why do you need a man? I'm happily single

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

As I've been single for about 18 years now, I think people have given up saying it to me. As I've managed to have a baby in that time, I think they also find me slightly confusing :) What makes me laugh is when the person urging me to hook up with someone has just spent the previous twenty minutes whining on about their DP/DH/DW's shortcomings. They really don't get the irony... LOL!

[Mumsyblouse]

I can see how this would be really annoying, perhaps you want to remain single perhaps that will be what happens, or perhaps you will meet someone very nice along the way (several members of my family have found new relationships in their 50's and 60's even 70's) but they would be advised to steer off the topic. I think they are trying to reassure you though that you are lovely rather than anything else, so don't take it on too much, just fix on a phrase 'it's not really my priority right now' said with a smile and don't engage.

[BertieBotts]

Loads of people don't seem to understand the concept of being happily single. You're right, it's their problem, not yours. :)